Ryan 33

Foreword: In 2004, I kept these posts on a separate blog. I wanted a place to write about my true feelings about Ryan that no one else would read. In 2007, I revisited these posts. and decided to add them to the archives. It's part of my past that is worth remembering especially the honesty with which I wrote these posts.

I was getting annoyed that Ryan wasn't taking initiative to talk with me so I decided not to call for a couple days. Ryan finally called tonight since I'm leaving for Germany. It really made me feel good that he wanted to talk before I was gone for 10 days. I also tried to tell him how glad I was that he called (without going overboard). Sometimes it just feels like I'm the only one making an effort and I'm the only one who wants a relationship. It's probably only in my head, but I don't like feeling that way. So I'm trying to chill out. The funny thing is I can chill out when we're not talking. But when we're on the phone, my stomach does that funny little thing and I desperately want to be wtih Ryan. I want to tell him to come visit, but I'm not. Patience is a virtue. He's got to do this on his own and I have to keep from getting too wrapped up in things in the meantime. Right now I just want to enjoy the companionship.