"You guys are annoying in the morning. Especially you, little brown one."
- Chris, to the dogs
"The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep."
- A.P. Herbert
"It's awkward being friends with a terrorist these days."
"In conclusion, when in doubt, shove your purse up your skirt."
- MightyGirl
Me: Will you butter my English muffin?
Chris: I'll always butter your muffin.
"I think you're killing it with hate."
- Chris, about the withered palm tree in the backyard that I hate
"Drugs, fast cars, and kung fu action!"
- Chris, regarding our Netflix movies for the weekend: Blow, Italian Job, Unleashed