Negativity & Anger

There's been some negative stuff in my life recently. I haven't had the heart to write about it. In fact, I haven't had the heart to write about anything in fear it will be used against me. There's nothing like finding out that someone isn't your friend when they use your words against you. Especially when I tried to be positive and respectful towards them.

The other thing recently is I've been very quick to anger. I don't want to be an angry person, but recently I have been. Some days it feels like I'm out of balance and the littlest things set me off. Things that really shouldn't bug me.

On Saturday, I swung by the library on my bike. After I got there, I found out the library closed an hour early for their yearly fundraiser. I hadn't seen a notice on the website (which I had checked before leaving for the library) so I didn't know. This shouldn't have been a big deal, but it made me really, really angry. I spent the entire ride back home fuming about every
piece of that situation.
- Why hadn't the library posted it on the website?
- Why do they have to screw the person who uses their services in order to cater to rich people who probably don't even use the library?
- Why couldn't they have simply pushed the event back an hour and kept the library open?
- Why didn't the representative out front of the library tell me they were closed before I had locked up my bike? It wasn't like there was anywhere else I could have been going.
(Follow all these statements with a billion exclamation marks because that's how it was in my head.)

I was ANGRY. Then I realized how unrealistic this anger was. I couldn't go to the library that day. So what? I wasn't dying for a book. I'm lucky to borrow books at all. Plus it was a nice day and I should have been enjoying my ride.

Too often I've been having useless mental rants. Too often things have been setting me off. It's been a weird time in my life. I need to calm down. I need to be more thankful. I'm so, so lucky. I've got a great life.

Chris has been a wonderful support recently. He listens and supports me without judgment. He accepts me for who I am at any moment. Even those angry moments. He loves me and that is really the best thing in the world.