Month of September, 2004

In Germany

Now that I'm halfway through my vacation, I figure it's time to write about it. I've been enjoying myself so much, I haven't really wanted to sit down to reflect. But I'm finally in the mood.

The flight from Dallas to NYC was uneventful. Kevin found us at the airport and we got to hang out for about 4 hours. It was really nice to catch up in person. It's kinda funny that the last two times we've seen each other revolved around airports - Kevin going through Dallas and me going through NYC. The flight from NYC to Brussels was uneventful as well. After the meal and movie, I put on an eye mask and slept for the rest of the flight. Now THAT's the way international travel should happen.

We arrived in Brussels on Friday morning. When we finally got through customs (which felt like it took forever but only because we were on an airplane all night), Karen was waiting for us. It was so good to see her. Naturally, there was much rejoicing. We managed to fit all the luggage and all five of us into the car and headed out of Brussels towards Brugge. I fell asleep pretty quickly and woke up when we got to Brugge. Karen did a great job navigating the narrow, one-way streets and got us to our B&B. I showered and tumbled into bed despite the fact it was 11 o'clock in the morning. Slept until about 2 in the afternoon then hung out with Karen and Kristen in a cafe around the main square in Brugge. It was so great to hang out with Karen and just talk. I miss her a lot. The good news is Karen is really happy in Germany and with married life. Later in the evening, Jason, the Grants and the Woodwards met us in Brugge. We had a great weekend together.

A Few Things From Brugge
• We laughed a lot!
• Belgium beer is stronger than American beer!
• Just as I was told, Belgium has incredible waffles.
• Belgium chocolates are even more incredible than I was told.
• The canals in Brugge remind me of San Antonio, complete with canal boat rides. (Minus the Mexican food.)
• The clock tower in the main square has 366 steps to the top. We climbed them all.
• The stairs up the clock tower get more and more narrow as you go up. It's practically impossible to get people to go up and down at the same time, yet it happened.
• It's hard to find a restaurant that will take 10 people in Europe.
• Toured the Straffe Hendrick brewery - drank great beer!
• Saw really old windmills.
• Learned how Belgium lace is made, didn't buy any.
• Consumed a bunch of chocolate.
• Tried curry-ketchup with fries. Didn't like it.
• Remembered that I love European down comforters. Can't wait until winter to put mine on the bed again.

This trip has quickly been labeled, the Lucci's eat their way across Europe. Because that's practically all we're doing!

Sunday afternoon, we drove for about three hours to Karen and Jason's home in Germany. After living in a hotel for the first month they were here, they've now settled down into an adorable three bedroom home. (Well, technically it's a duplex, but you really can hardly tell.) Karen has done an incredible job decorating it and making it home. They live out in the country a bit so we've gotten to enjoy walking next to the corn field and seeing the ponies. Mostly, it's just amazingly quiet. I need to move to the country.

Since we've been in Germany, we've eaten and eaten and eaten. Not that I'm complaining, I love it! We've also seen where Jason works, where Karen shops, done some shopping, visited Geilenkirchen, Aachen, Monschau, and a couple of other little towns in the area. Germany is beautiful. We've talked a lot, laughed a lot, and just generally enjoyed each other. It's so good to have the family all together again. I'm so glad that I got to come on this trip.

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Before Germany

On a plane to NYC. This trip we're flying stand-by because my mom works for the airline. There is some risk involved flying this way (like we might not really get there or back on time), but it's sure a lot cheaper than buying a real ticket. So far so good, we got on our first plane. (Oh, and Ryan called to wish me a good trip right as I was boarding...very sweet.) Dallas to JFK in New York City. We're going to spend a good chunk of the day in the airport. Kevin is going to meet us at the airport in NYC so we can hang out for awhile. Looking forward to seeing him. Then board a flight to Brussels, Belgium around 6pm. We fly all night and get into Brussels on Friday morning. Karen will be picking us up at the airport and driving us to Brugge where we plan on spending the weekend. The Grants and Woodwards (old family friends...practically family) will be meeting us there for the weekend. Jason's going to meet us on Friday evening when he gets off work. I still don't know why Brugge was chosen, but I'm sure there's something fantastic to see there. Someone from work was telling me to be sure to eat waffles and chocolate in Belgium. I think I can handle that.

It finally fells like I'm going on vacation. The days/weeks leading up to this have been slight more chaotic than I care to handle. September has been a very busy month. Here's the run down of what I've been up to.

Wednesday & Thursday, September 8 & 9 were spent in Milwaukee visiting a client with my boss. The client is quite happy with the service we provide so the meeting was positive. Plus, it's always good to spend time with my boss in person since we work in different cities. After that trip, I was home for a couple days.

Sunday, September 12 through Friday, September 17 were spent in Scottsdale at corporate headquarters. The trip started off rather rough when I went to boot up my laptop on the plane and got a fatal Windows system error. Spent most of Sunday afternoon with an IT guy at the office. He was awesome, saved all my data, and got me a temporary computer while he fixed the main one. Monday I did an overview of the product line my group supports for some other employees in support. Things went fairly well, I think. It was fun to be up teaching again. Tuesday through Thursday, I attended planning meetings with all the other managers in support. The meetings were extremely productive and quite fun. I attribute that to a good leadership team who planned the meetings well and made sure we stuck to the plan. Plus, we had a good facilitator. For those types of meetings (over twenty people), you've got to have someone facilitating or things very quickly go to crap. The meetings were especially good for me, because I was able to reflect upon my own personal growth over the past year. I see myself thinking at a higher level, more strategically than I ever have before. I see myself progressing faster than some of my peers (and I got unsolicited feedback along the same lines). For the first time plain and clear, I was able to see the effects of my schooling on my job performance. It's been a long two years, but I'm so glad I'm doing it. Friday, I spent the morning in the office catching up with a few miscellaneous tasks and then I spent the afternoon travelling.

Friday, September 17 through Sunday, September 19 I visited Summer and Greg in Denver. I tied the Denver trip on to the Scottsdale trip because of the savings on the plane ticket. And it was just a great excuse to get to visit them. Summer is doing quite well with her new job and they're both enjoying their new house! It's situated in a new neighborhood planned around a golf course and is absolutely gorgeous. Their front porch has an incredible view of the mountains. Visiting Denver always makes me remember how much I love Colorado. While we didn't make it up into the mountains this trip, I just love them. Being there made me think that I should move there when I'm done with school. Definitely a possibility for work in that area since there's a lot of tech companies. Plus it would be absolutely wonderful to live near Summer again. Friday night we just took it easy and spent a quiet evening at the clubhouse. We sat around a fire pit and had a couple drinks. Saturday Summer and I bought some indoor plants for their house. We walked the neighborhood a little bit, went swimming at the neighborhood pool, and talked and talked and talked. It was perfect. Saturday night we went into Denver to Elliot's house (another Texas transplant) then on to a house party at someone else's house. It was a good night. Sunday we ate a huge Mexican food lunch and watched a movie in the afternoon. Then I said a very sad goodbye and headed back to Texas.

Spent September 20 - 22 at home for a very busy few days. I tried to catch up on all the work I put off while I was in Scottsdale and all the school work I put off too. It was a whirlwind, but I managed to take care of most of it. I'm a little unhappy about a couple things at work right now, but I'm trying to let it go. Besides, I'm on vacation. You're not supposed to think about work while you're on vacation! (Too bad I stayed up until 2:30 am working then dreamt about it both last night AND on the plane this morning.) I'm sure once I get some European beer in my system, I won't want to think about work anymore.

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Ryan 33

Foreword: In 2004, I kept these posts on a separate blog. I wanted a place to write about my true feelings about Ryan that no one else would read. In 2007, I revisited these posts. and decided to add them to the archives. It's part of my past that is worth remembering especially the honesty with which I wrote these posts.

I was getting annoyed that Ryan wasn't taking initiative to talk with me so I decided not to call for a couple days. Ryan finally called tonight since I'm leaving for Germany. It really made me feel good that he wanted to talk before I was gone for 10 days. I also tried to tell him how glad I was that he called (without going overboard). Sometimes it just feels like I'm the only one making an effort and I'm the only one who wants a relationship. It's probably only in my head, but I don't like feeling that way. So I'm trying to chill out. The funny thing is I can chill out when we're not talking. But when we're on the phone, my stomach does that funny little thing and I desperately want to be wtih Ryan. I want to tell him to come visit, but I'm not. Patience is a virtue. He's got to do this on his own and I have to keep from getting too wrapped up in things in the meantime. Right now I just want to enjoy the companionship.

T minus 2.5

It's 4am and I leave for my vacation to Germany in 2.5 hours. Though I've been behind schedule for the whole week, I'm finally together. What a month this has been! I'm really looking forward to this vacation.

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Sad Email

Kris wrote, "I was walking through wal mart getting stuff for school and started humming along to the song playing over the loud speaker... at this point I'm thinking wow... thats kind of odd... I usually only know the songs over the speaker if its really bad 80's pop.. and I usually never enjoy it... then I slowly realize... It's The Cure... a major part of me heart turned black at that moment and I had to leave."

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Nightmare

It's 3 o'clock in the morning and I'm up because I was having a nightmare. I dreamt that an elevator in my old high school led to a secret passageway. Tim and I were in the elevator when a knife came down from the ceiling. Someone was trying to kill us. It was horribly creepy - it was like a dungeon. We were trying to get away. I was terrified.

I'm not even sure if my old high school really had an elevator.

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Ryan 32

Foreword: In 2004, I kept these posts on a separate blog. I wanted a place to write about my true feelings about Ryan that no one else would read. In 2007, I revisited these posts. and decided to add them to the archives. It's part of my past that is worth remembering especially the honesty with which I wrote these posts.

Tonight Ryan was so sweet. He told me that I was special. Out of context it sounds goofy, but in context it was incredibly sweet. For Ryan, it was a huge show of emotion. It made me cry.

I've come to realize that Ryan shows very little emotion. He doesn't talk about his feelings a lot. It's certainly different. I could see why someone would want to get out of a relationship like that. It would be hard day in and day out to not get confirmation that he loves you. Shoot, it's hard for me and I don't even think Ryan loves me. I just wonder sometimes if he likes me.

The wonderful part is that tonight I know he likes me. I know he has feelings for me. While they might not be as deep as I want them to be, it's something. For the first time in a long time, I feel loved. It's quite wonderful.

Creatures/Comics

creaturesinmyhead.com
- link via John Alison at scarygoround.com

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Video Game Revolution

Watched The Video Game Revolution, a documentary on PBS while I was in Milwaukee Wednesday night. It's really, really good...if you're into that kind of thing.

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ilikebeads.com

Alison's jewelry site - ilikebeads.com. Beautiful.

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Whooping Cough

Apparently whooping cough is spreading through Dallas County. Maybe that's what I have. I promise I'm going to the doctor on Friday. Thanks, Jay, for the heads up.

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On a Plane to Milwaukee

I'm on a plane to Milwaukee to meet with a client. I should be focusing on business, but I'm thinking of the past. I haven't been to Milwaukee since June 2000 when John broke up with me. I can remember him dropping me off at the airport. I remember saying goodbye, wanting to look back, but not looking back. It hurt so much. It was the last time I saw him.

I graduated from Texas Tech University in May 1999 with a bachelor's in fine arts with teaching certification. That summer, while living in Lubbock, I started interviewing for teaching positions all over the state. After a few weeks, which dragged on like months, I took a position in a Houston-area school district. Naturally, my best friend, Autumn, and I went out to celebrate. I distinctly remember it being an off night, like a Monday or Tuesday, so we didn't go to our favorite bar. Instead we went to the daiquiri bar. There were maybe 5 people in the whole place. John came in and sat down next to me. I was immediately attracted to him and flirted a little bit. The conversation was insignificant. I turned away talking with Autumn and was surprised to see him walking out of the bar. I wished I had gotten his phone number.

That moment wouldn't have been significant if I hadn't run into him on campus a few days later. That time I made sure to get his number. We started dating. It was a complicated relationship because I was leaving in two months. He wanted more, but I didn't. The summer together was fun. John even helped me move to Houston. I thought things were over at that point. We were living 7 or 8 hours apart. Yet something changed inside me. I fell in love.

We continued a typical long distance relationship for the end of 1999. In January 2000, John moved to Milwaukee to finish school at Marquette University. We continued the long distance relationship. We spent thousands of dollars on long distance bills. (These were the days before cell phone plans with free long distance were affordable.) I wanted to spend every moment with him. I was lonely in Houston. I disliked my job. I convinced myself that it only made sense for me to move to Milwaukee to be with John. The plan was for me to finish my teaching contract and move in the summer of 2000.

The week after school ended, I flew up to Milwaukee to look for a place to live and to interview for some jobs. I realized something was wrong while I was on the plane. Something just didn't feel right. John was cold and distant. It was such a drastic change from all the other times we were together. A change from how it was when we talked on the phone. I was in shock. The days dragged on. I was miserable, not knowing what happened or if it was my fault. Not knowing what was happening in the one relationship that my life revolved around. Eventually, John made it clear that he didn't want to be with me anymore. I remember sitting in his tiny, efficiency crying and crying. He didn't explain why. Or maybe I just wasn't listening. My whole life shattered at that moment. I was on the first plane back to Texas the following morning. I haven't seen John since.

So I still don't know why it ended. Over the years, I've explained it to myself in a number of ways. Maybe John was scared of commitment. Maybe I was obsessed with him and he realized it wasn't healthy. Maybe he was cheating on me. Maybe he never forgave me for cheating on him. Maybe he met someone better. Maybe he was gay. Maybe he just got sick of me. Maybe he didn't want to feel responsible for my happiness. Maybe he felt like I would hold him back from his dreams. Maybe he just knew deep down that I wasn't the right person for him. I don't know if any of these ideas are right and I probably won't ever know.

What I do know is that things always work out for the best. Good things can come from ashes. If it weren't for John breaking up with me, I would not have moved back to the Dallas area. I wouldn't have gotten into computers or business. I wouldn't be a manager. I wouldn't be getting my MBA. I wouldn't be as close to my family as I am now. There would be no LucciHouse. I wouldn't have spent three incredible years living with my sisters. I wouldn't have Tiger or a blog or all my wonderful friends in Dallas. And I certainly wouldn't be flying to Milwaukee on business right now.

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Labor Day Weekend

It was a fabulous weekend. I love long weekends. I wish we could have them once a month. I'd be a lot more sane. I suppose I should move to Canada. I hear they have a lot of long weekends or at least a lot more holidays than we do in the US. But it's cold in Canada. I'm not sure that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Maybe I should just move to Europe. They have lots of holidays too. Maybe I'll live in Germany with Karen and J.

So, we celebrated all our labor (and lack of holidays) on Labor Day. Damn right. This country works amazingly hard. It amazes me how much we get done. When I think about this nation's productivity, I'm proud to be an American. (When I think about our foreign policy, I'm not.)

I spent the weekend relaxing and doing very little labor.

• Friday night, I stayed home and watched television. It was decadent.
• Saturday I studied with Charlie, a classmate, in the morning then in the afternoon I enjoyed the fruits of my labor. I went shopping! (I ended up purchasing 4 pairs of shoes...no one needs that many pairs of shoes all at once. But I got a pair of purple tennis shoes! Everyone needs purple tennis shoes!) Saturday night, Leia had some people to the house for a cookout. I got to enjoy good food and the company of good friends.
• Sunday was movie day. I saw saw a bunch of movies on Sunday. Leia and I saw Garden State. Scotty and I saw Donnie Darko Director's Cut. I watched Solaris and Twin Falls Idaho on TiVo. Oh, and a little bit of Shrek at Scotty's house. It was a fantastically movie-indulgent day.
• Monday I worked on a paper for school. Mom and Dad came over and helped get the bathroom in order. I can officially say that the bathroom is now complete. Unfortunately, I still haven't taken the time to enjoy a jacuzzi bath. I simply ran out of time.

Last night I was trying to tell Ryan about Garden State, but I didn't do a very good job. It really is a fantastic movie. Only a few minutes after leaving the theater, I wanted to see it again. To better explain the movie, I'd like to quote the writer, director, and actor, Zach Braff.

What Garden State's really about is how short life is. And how we get caught up in so many entanglements and insecurities and worries and obsessions and trivial arguments while life races right by us shaking it's head at how seriously we take ourselves. Keep in mind that the sun's gonna burn out in about a million years and truly nothing will have mattered.

Now that the fun, long, relaxing weekend is over, the craziness begins. The craziness of my schedule, that is. I swear, it sounds like a rock star schedule, but I'm not even that cool. Tonight I leave for Grand Rapids, Michigan to visit a client on Wednesday. Thursday, I'll be visiting another client in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I'm back home Friday and Saturday. Sunday I leave for a week of manager's meetings in Scottsdale, Arizona. The following Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I'll be visiting Summer and Greg in Denver. Then I'm home for three days and I'll leave for ten days in Germany. Whew, I'm tired just thinking about it! One day at a time is the only way to approach a schedule like this. I'll try to keep things under control and not to get too homesick. Though, I still haven't figured out how I'm going to keep up with my school work. It doesn't matter, you only get to be a rock star once.

*Update - the first leg of the trip has been cancelled. My coworkers didn't make it out of Phoenix and can't get to Michigan in time. So we're rescheduling the meeting. I get to sleep in my own bed tonight and I'll be off to Milwaukee tomorrow.*

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Freedom

It's Saturday morning and the beginning of a long weekend. Knowing I have three whole days to do whatever I want, it the best feeling right now. I only have a couple commitments for the weekend, which is by design. I needed a good portion of time to do whatever I need to do. So here I am. Freedom. I love it.

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This Week So Far

Went out for sushi Monday night after class. My favorite sushi place in Arlington is Piranha Killer Sushi in north Arlington. I've only been there once before, but the sushi was quite good. Last time I sat at the bar and chatted quite a bit with the chefs (who are all young and cute). I was completely surprised that night when one of the chefs saw me walk in the door and brought up part of our conversation from the first visit. I've always said I won't be a regular at a bar anymore, but maybe this kind of bar would be ok to be a regular in.

After work Tuesday, I had a full body massage. My back and neck have been out of wack since the weekend and I wanted to cry. Sitting still for any significant period of time made me extremely uncomfortable. I've never had back problems before so I didn't figure I needed a doctor. Turns out the massage did the trick. I'm significantly better. Don't know where the back pain came from, but I suspect it has something to do with the cough. Yep, still have the cough. It's even keeping me up at night.

Kristen, Mom, and Dad came home from Argentina this morning. Sounds like they had a fabulous trip. Tomorrow night we're all getting together to look through pictures. (I love the digital slideshows on the TV we put on for each other after a trip.) We'll also be celebrating Grandma's birthday. Today is my Grandma Lucci's 93rd birthday. Wow.

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