Month of December, 2001

Goodbye 2001 As this year

Goodbye 2001
As this year comes to an end, I have to say I'm thankful. I'm thankful for all my experiences. I'm thankful to have so much physically and emotionally. I'm thankful that I get another year, another day, another moment to look forward to. I'm thankful that time heals a multitude of wounds.

As I look forward to the next year, I think about giving up my intense need for control over my life. Because I know I don't really have it anyway. I want to be more spontaneous. I want to be more honest. I want to care just as much. I want to worry less. I want to learn more even if it means being uncomfortable. I want to love even if I get nothing in return.

I think that as humans, we keep track of time just so we can have moments like this. Moments to reflect and a set time to move on. Thank goodness for the turning of the calendar.

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Angry I've been on edge

Angry
I've been on edge lately. The past few days any little thing seems to be able to set me off. I get angry. I get really, ugly angry inside. Though that's as far as it goes. I haven't acted on my anger. I haven't really communicated this to anyone. I just keep telling myself how silly it is to be angry about these things. Because they're silly little things. They're not things I would normally bat an eye at. But the past two days they've really gotten under my skin. Like the fact that I wanted a drink last night and couldn't find my bottle of gin. I tore the house up and got increasingly angry over the bottle of gin (or lack thereof). It's ridiculous. And I find myself getting angry this morning that the cabinets in my bathroom are open. Obviously someone was looking for something and didn't close them again. I know it's not a big deal but for whatever reason right now it feels like one. I hate to blame all this on hormones but that seems to be the only logical explanation at the moment. Hopefully in a few days this will pass, and in the meantime I can (more-or-less) keep it to myself.

Friday Night
Friday night was my last evening to hang out with Summer and Greg for awhile. I was graciously included in family festivities over at Greg's brother's house again. We ate a fabulous meal. The pumpkin curry soup was amazing. (And reaffirmed again that I don't dislike curry as much as I thought I did.) Then we had perfect steaks, which I could have eaten 12. They just melted in your mouth. We played board games and laughed a lot. Everyone included me as family. Ahh, the perks of being a best friend. Summer and I even got to sneak away for a little bit and have some alone time. It was a perfect evening.

Saturday
Slept in really late Saturday. Planned on spending the day doing absolutely nothing until Mom and Dad came over. Mom convinced me to take the dogs on a walk with her which naturally woke me up. So I decided to take the Christmas lights down. Well, one project turned into another and I ended up spending all day and night working on the house. Details at LucciHouse.

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In the Paper

I was in the paper Monday, December 4th.

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THANK YOU!!! Someone bought us

THANK YOU!!!

Someone bought us luccihouse.com. Whoever the mystery purchaser is...you ROCK!

*update - It was Phil! Who wins the sneaky award for listening to me tell the story and not admitting it was him! Thanks again.*

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I'm 46% evil. Less than

I'm 46% evil. Less than Dave. HA!

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We finally got the

We finally got the doggie portraits back. I've been meaning to post them but other things have been distracting me. Like Christmas. Like Karen's webcam which I installed last night. Like that new CD burner I also installed last night. (If you're really nice, I'll burn you something from my collection of non-copy-righted material.) So anyway, there are our babies. Mine's the big one, of course.

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New Mail

I've made the switch...I'm officially switching email over to Erica@EricaLucci.com.
- Thanks, Matt, for your help

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Thinking about Christmases past. I'm

Thinking about Christmases past. I'm so thankful to be where I am today. I'm thankful to have my family close to me. Thankful that everyone is healthy and happy. I'm thankful for a group of friends that keep my mind and my heart alive. I'm thankful for an incredible place to live. I'm thankful for a job I don't loathe going to everyday. I'm thankful for the year to come. I'm thankful for my experiences. I'm even thankful that I'm alone. Life is good.

Today was laid back and quite wonderful. I started by rolling over and going back to sleep a couple times. When I did finally get up, I gave Tiger a bath. Nothing like a clean dog at the holidays. Made it over to Mom and Dad's too late for breakfast, but they were sweet enough to save me some. Then we opened presents. I'm spoiled. I got way too much, but it was wonderful. Then I spent the afternoon lounging with my parents. Mostly I watched TV. That was a nice indulgence I don't allow myself very often. We had a huge dinner of prime rib around 4pm. (The family took a vote and we were all burned out on traditional holiday meals.) It was nice to have something other than turkey or ham on a holiday. After helping with the dishes, I came home. Talked to a couple friends on the phone. Karen and Kristen took off to celebrate with friends. All the dogs are sleeping, worn out from the holiday. I'm here alone enjoying the quiet house.

I feel reflective as I usually do on holidays. This time last year I was writing about him. I was mourning the loss. All I wanted was to have him back. Now I realize so much more was meant for me...so many better things. I realize that it's not me that screwed up or was unlovable. It was strictly what had to happen to make me who I am today. It helped me grow. The scary part is that I know I'm not done growing. That I will never be done growing. But it's ok with me. I'm welcome the growth because I know everything is going how it was meant to be. And I trust that it all has a good outcome in the end.

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Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

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Bentley got his Christmas

Bentley got his Christmas present. Dad said, "Someone's got entirely too much money." I'd have to agree.

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Not going afterall The boss

Not going afterall
The boss called back. I don't have to go. Whoopee! Back to the couch!

Going to work afterall The

Going to work afterall
The boss called. Someone has to be at the phones from 2pm until 6pm. Guess who that somebody is? Well, at least I've had the morning to hang around the house. I finally updated Lucci House. I've got to start on a design for that page...it's looked like crap for too long. But I think I'm going to get up from the computer and lay on the couch for a few hours before I have to go to work.

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So I got up this

So I got up this morning and did the morning ritual. Hit snooze on the alarm twice. Stuck one foot out from under the covers to see how cold it was. Finally got up, grabbed a robe, and got in the shower. Got dressed, put on makeup, tied my shoes, and took the dog for a walk. Got in the car and on my way to work, my cell rang. It was a bit early for most of my friends but I answered. It was my boss, "Where are you?" "Umm, on my way to work," thinking that I'm running late. "Don't bother until noon. And then call me before you come in then. We haven't had any calls all morning." All I could think was, no kidding. It's Christmas Eve. No one's working. And if they are, they're doing the smallest amount of work possible. Which probably means they're not calling us. So I turned around and came home, but not before stopping for coffee and a donut. It's going to be a great day.

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Saw Lord of the Rings

Saw Lord of the Rings today. It was excellent. We also got Christmas books today. I have to work tomorrow. I'm tired.

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It's 60 degrees in my

It's 60 degrees in my house...why isn't the heat on?
Spent all day yesterday with Summer. We enjoyed each others company while preparing Christmas presents. I think I've got everything taken care of. *I hope.* Then I spent last night with Summer's in-laws. Greg's family loves me and I love them so I just tagged along on a big family dinner. Greg's brother is an incredible cook and makes the best cosmos! I spent more than half the evening laughing...they're a fun group. It was a perfect way to spend time with Summer and Greg. And I'm so lucky that I've gotten invited to do it again with the other half of the family on Friday!

Slept in later than normal today. Didn't want to get out of bed because it was cold. Yesterday was unseasonable warm (short sleeve weather) so the heat got turned off. Apparently it never got turned back on. So getting out of the warm bed wasn't too appealing. But Tiger's whining convinced me I had better or pay for it later. Not sure what's going on today. There's rumors of seeing Lord of the Rings as a family. I hope someone got tickets, because that sounds like fun.

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Summer is here!!!

Summer is in town and everything is suddenly inconsequential. It's amazing how a good friend can put everything into perspective. I've got a wonderful person who loves me. And nothing else matters. I just wish she was around more often. Someone tell Greg that it's alright to move back to Texas.

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Shopping, shopping, and more shopping

Shopping, shopping, and more shopping
Today has been the biggest shopping trip in years. I'm worn out. But I'm done! I went out knowing it was going to be crowded and intended to keep a peaceful mindset. I succeeded. I'm home now and am actually looking forward to the gift-giving.

Quote of the Day
"Look at all the cool stuff you're not going to get."
- a dad said to his son while out shopping

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As I was putting on

As I was putting on my shoes, I was thinking that I needed a new pair. This pair isn't worn out quite yet, but a new pair would look nicer. I tried to remember when I bought them. Oh yeah, Summer and I went shopping together. I had a heck of a time picking out tennis shoes since I seldom wore them. We were in one of those huge sporting goods stores. I felt out of place. But we had a blast laughing and trying shoes on. I can remember deciding on the pair that was a little smaller because they looked better.

Then I remembered why I was I buying shoes in the first place. I was going to his house for Christmas. I wanted to dress casual and needed a pair of shoes to complete my look. I wanted his parents to like me. I thought he was the one. I thought they were going to be my second family. So I bought a cute pair of shoes to make a good impression. I did make a good impression but I'm sure the shoes didn't have a thing to do with it. They were good people. We just clicked. But the whole package didn't work out. It still hurts a little bit this time of year, and I guess it probably always will.

I think it's time to get another pair of shoes.

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Investments This morning as I'm

Investments
This morning as I'm lying around the house enjoying the fact that I don't have to go to work, I was thinking. [I know you're wondering why I'm bothering to think on my day off. I don't know, I just am.] So, anyway, I was thinking about investments. Not necessarily the ones you make in the stock market. Though those did cross my mind. I was thinking more about the investments we make in other people. The way we invest things that don't have monetary value. Like time. Like emotions. Like honesty.

I'm struggling with how to invest my capital. How do I choose where to invest? How do I decide how much to invest? When do you decide to pull out before your investment isn't worth anything? Or do you stay in and even though you lose, chalk it up to a valuable experience? Should I follow my "heart" (which is just a strange and unreliable organ)? Or do I play it cool, watch the market, and eventually jumping in with everything I've got?

I think I have a track record of investing too much for too long. I need to get better at knowing when to cut my losses. I also want to be more careful about where I invest in the first place. I'm going to be careful and patient so I don't lose my shorts in the long run. And just like everyone else who wants to be rich someday, I'll keep playing the market hoping it will someday work in my favor.

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It's late. I'm tired. And

It's late. I'm tired. And I'm feeling like I can never make anyone happy. I know that you can't make everyone happy all the time. But I'm feeling like I have an uncanny knack at making no one happy any of the time. Yes, it bothers me. I probably shouldn't let it but it does. So know now that I'm going to let you down. I'm not going to make you happy. Ever. But it also doesn't mean I'm not going to feel guilty about it later.

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No Attention Span I feel

No Attention Span
I feel like a kid in school before winter break. I can't concentrate. All I want to do is leave. I'm counting down the hours. One and a half. Counting down the minutes. 90. Counting down the seconds. No, I'm not...I can't count that high. I don't want to work. I don't want to play. I just want to get out of the office. I'm horrible. But today is my Friday as I'm taking tomorrow off. And even though I have to come in Monday, the idea of a long weekend is the most appealing I can think of right now. Oh won't time hurry up?!

DFW Blogs Holiday Party Last

DFW Blogs Holiday Party
Last night we all congregated at Tina's house for a holiday party of bloggers. The food was great, as was the conversation. Pat did an incredible job on the lasagna! I got to meet plenty of new people - Rosyln, Amy, Tom, Christine, Roger, and Jeff. I'm sure I've forgotten someone but I wasn't on top of my social game last night. I was kinda tired and feeling very laid back. It was really good to see all the people I haven't seen in awhile such as Becky (whose new haircut looks great), Jason, Chad, and Matt. All in all it was a great time.

Sad
Kristen just told me about a friend of hers that was shot yesterday. No one is sure what exactly happened but it appears to be a random act of violence possibly a robbery. He is alive but underwent reconstructive surgery...on his face. He lost an eye and possibly his hearing. The really scary part is this didn't happen in a big, scary city. It happened in Waco. At least he's alive and hopefully on the way to recovery.

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At lunch today the waiter

At lunch today the waiter brought me a fork. Normally this is not an insult, but in a Vietnamese restaurant I couldn't help feeling that it was. When will I ever learn to use chopsticks correctly?!

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Yet another connection These sheep

Yet another connection
These sheep are cute but the song caught my attention. It's from the O Brother, Where Art Thou? soundtrack. Fits into the reoccurring theme category.
- thanks, ThinkDink for the link

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Another short joke? phil: your

Another short joke?
phil: your feet get cold?
me: yep.
phil: but your feet are so close to your heart, how could they get cold
phil: mine must be 3 feet furthur

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Fixed We have the best

Fixed
We have the best IT guy in the business. I'm back up and running on my own hard drive again. Apparently my machine completely died. Not just a card or a RAM stick but the whole thing. Nothing. What in the world did I do to deserve this? Am I just hexed today? Maybe I should stay away from the one at home...

At least things here are fixed. There's nothing like having your own hard drive back. I feel like I've come home. I'm comfortable and I know where everything is. And it's just my hard drive. I'm pathetic.

Broken I get to work

Broken
I get to work this morning and my machine won't boot up. It sounds like it's starting and the monitor comes out of standby then nothing else happens. Then the monitor goes back into standby. Damn it, damn it, damn it. So I'm currently using my test machine for surfing and a coworker's machine for work. It's pretty frustrating to not have everything you need to do your job. Though I'll be the first to admit it's kinda nice to just sit back and not really work this morning. I can't get to any of my files on the network because I can't log in as myself. So not too much work is getting done. I'm so tired I probably wouldn't be getting much done anyway.

Last night I hung out with Dave. We grabbed dinner, coffee, and caught up on each others lives. I got to hear his plan for world domination. *yawn* You know the same old, same old with Dave. Seriously, it was great to hang out with him. Dave is so creative and thoughtful. He's honest, funny, and sensitive. I really enjoy hanging out and talking with Dave. Even when he tells really bad stories. (Hint: check out Recently Observed tomorrow.) Later in the evening Matt came over to Dave's and we got to catch up as well. It was so wonderful but suddenly it was late and I still had to drive home. By the time I got home it was even later. Then I got distracted and going to bed was put off once again. I finally got in bed quite late and you know how that makes me feel today. Lack of sleep makes Erica a very grouchy, unproductive, quiet, slow, worthless girl. Why do I do this to myself?

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Quote of the Day "He

Quote of the Day
"He was Canadian, she was American, where was it going to go?"
- Matt about Tom Green and Drew Berrymore getting a divorce

Pic from the Weekend

Phil and I as taken by Elaine at her birthday party with her new digi Elf. We have surprisingly similar haircuts. It cracks me up everytime I see a picture of us.

A customer just told me he was working with Go-Gurt. I thought to myself, "What the hell is gogurt?" Just in case you're wondering...check it out here.

I got an email from another Lucci!! He found my page when looking up his last name. Hi, Paul!

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Haircut I'm clean now, so

Haircut
I'm clean now, so here's a front view and a side view.

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It's days like these that I wish I had a boat

*Note to the reader: this was written Sunday evening but wasn't posted until Monday due to technical difficulties.

Just hydroplaned my way back from Houston. The weather today was incredible. Rain, rain, and more rain. There's nothing quite like going 60mph on the highway then seeing your speedometer suddenly slip to 40mph since you're just sliding on water. Nor is there anything like not being able to see the car 50 feet in front of you because of all the water. It took longer than normal, but at least I made it back safe and sound.

And it was a great weekend.

Friday afternoon, Phil, much to my surprise, got off work early and met me at his house as soon as I got in town. I got the grand tour and we caught up on the little stuff. That night we had a fabulous sushi dinner, at my favorite Houston sushi bar, Cafe Japon. Then we helped celebrate Elaine's birthday by meeting a group for drinks. We were both pretty tired so we didn't stay long. Got back to Phil's, opened a bottle of wine, and stayed up too late talking.

Saturday I met Gena for lunch. Gena is a very old friend who I never see enough of. The last time I saw her was in June when we went to New Orleans together. Speaking of New Orleans, Thursday I received a CD in the mail from Earl, our fabulous sushi waiter/musician/photographer from NO. Earl's band, Amerigo just put out a CD and he sent one as he promised all the way back in June. What a guy! Thanks, Earl! I'll email soon. Anyhow, Gena and I had a short lunch but it was great to catch up.

Saturday afternoon, I got my hair cut by Phil's fabulous hairdresser, Alex. It was very nice to "get fussed over." I dig the cut and will post a picture once I'm clean. Now I just have to go back so that Alex can color it too. Afterwards, we had drinks with Alex, his wife Laura, and their daughter...good conversation.

Saturday night after discussing many choices for dinner we ended up having sushi again (though at a different restaurant). It was just as good as the night before! What was it Phil said? Something about buying a sushi bar just so he could eat it everyday. No complaints here. After dinner we saw Oceans 11. Then we headed off to the "make-out bar" which to this day, I don't know the name of. Don't worry, we were too busy drinking and talking about family dynamics to make-out. But it was nice to lounge on the couch.

Today we met Adam, Grace, and Kelby for lunch at Mai's (which is a must do when I visit Houston). Lunch was great, but the conversation was better. It was wonderful to hang out with these neat people. How am I blessed with such amazing people in my life?

This whole weekend was really rejuvenating for me. A mini-vacation was exactly what I needed. Just to get away, see some good friends (that I don't see enough of), and have good conversation. It was also really good for me to be back in Houston and remember the person I was when I lived there. It's good to see the change that's happened to me over the past year and a half. Change is hard, but it's good. Nothing can get better if it always stays the same. All in all, I'm feeling very refreshed and happy. It was a great weekend.

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TGIF...and I'm only working a

TGIF...and I'm only working a half day
Well, it's finally Friday and I'm off to Houston for the weekend. I need some space. I want to see some old friends. It'll be a fun, full weekend but I'm ready. My boss was cool enough to let me leave early. So I'll beat the traffic to Houston! HA, right! I'm off. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

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Quote of the Day "Good

Quote of the Day
"Good adults are careful liars. Bad adults are careless liars."
- Dave

The Things We Keep

Work is slow since the holidays are around the corner. So I'm cleaning my purse out. It's amazing all the little slips of paper I've got with phone numbers or quotes or just something I was thinking. This is what I found really amusing:

tan
unmarried. probably not gay, has kids
helmet hair
super nice clothes
expression wrinkles
logo on socks
bad shoes
"paradym shift"

It's just a list. A list of descriptions about someone. To anyone else it means little but to me it's funny. It's the list I was making during a meeting. I wanted to look interested, even though I wasn't.

I also found a book title scribble down. Ablaze by Larry Arnold. Yeah, I think that was while I was watching a show about spontaneous combustion with Karen.

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Nothing is ever perfect Went

Nothing is ever perfect
Went to bed late last night after working on the design. Get to work this morning and am looking it over with fresh eyes. Fresh eyes suck. Because I was totally content when I went to bed last night. This morning I'm seeing things that I'd like to change.

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Winter Design

The cold is here to stay and I figured I'd better get with the program. Plus I was hoping it would get me in the mood. Gotta enjoy the cold whether while it lasts. We know how fleeting it can be in Texas! So here's something festive to get all of us into the winterly mood. Thanks to Jeremy who helped a ton! (And totally respected the fact that I have a hard time asking for help.)

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John Walker, John Lindh, Suleyman

The story of this man has been on my mind. It came up last night at dinner. I thought about him on my way to work. Such a fascinating tale. So unbelievable. How did it happen? I can understand searching for oneself. I can understand wanting different experiences and different things. I can understand wanting to get out of the US. He is young. He is religious. He's a zealot. He's obviously very passionate about what he believes. That's more than most of us can say about ourselves.

What I'm really struggling with right now is how so many people want to condemn him because of his nationality and the choices he's made. What he believes isn't what I believe. What he's chosen to do with his life is not something many Americans choose. But does that make it wrong? He chose to leave this country to pursue something else. I doubt he ever intended to be fighting people from his own country but life takes unexpected turns all the time. Should he really be condemned? Killing is wrong. I strongly believe that. But I think that anyone killing anyone else is wrong.

On the way to work this morning, I was thinking about the way my generation views the US. I think we grew up totally taking our country for granted. We didn't necessarily have highly patriotic parents (since most of them became jaded about Vietnam). We didn't have any strong threats to the security of our nation or ourselves. As we grew older we became cynical about our leaders as well as our nation. The internet opened the world to us and what we saw at times looked better than what we had. I know that when I was 16, 17 years old, getting out of the states (especially Texas) was all I wanted. I dreamt of living in England or Switzerland where things were better. Less crime, better education, national healthcare, etc. Or even somewhere exotic and pure like Guatemala. Then somehow I went to college and sold out. My beliefs changed; I now value my safe and comfy life in the US. I don't desire to leave. I actually feel patriotic about my country. But I think about what I'd be like if I left at the age of 17 and went to a place which changed my beliefs against the US. I can see myself being a completely different person.

I guess that's why I've been thinking about John so much. I can totally see myself in him. I was once passionate and zealous about things. If I had had the means and the courage, I could have left just like he did. Then I wouldn't have the set of beliefs I currently do. I'd be a totally different person. Just like he is after he left the US. I'm thinking about John because I can relate to him. I don't want to condemn him. I don't want to call him a traitor. I want to hurt for him that his life has somehow spun so out of control. In my opinion the only thing he's done was being young and following his beliefs. Which is something to be applauded. It's just too bad that it's turned out so very messed up.

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Margarita Ball Wow, weren't we

Margarita Ball

Wow, weren't we a good looking group that night? And we all had the best date in the place!

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A couple in Love

Lane and Stu have this great blog about their relationship across the ocean. It's called Damn the Pacific. Love can be such a beautiful thing.
Thanks, Charles, for this great link.

I've got company tonight

I've got company tonight

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Mena's got another coloring contest!

Mena's got another coloring contest!

My friends are so clever

My friends are so clever
Hehe hehe...

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Quote of the Day him:

Quote of the Day
him: I'm a GENIUS!
me: EXACTLY *strong sarcasm*
him: of course where I'm from we use genius as an insult. Like "Look what you did now, Genius! How we supposed to clean this up?"

Dream Maybe I remembered my

Dream
Maybe I remembered my dream because I was sitting here wishing I was in bed rather than at work. Maybe I remembered it simply because it's been lingering in the back of my head somewhere. But either way, I just remembered that I dreamt about living in a house that I don't currently live in and have never lived in. I was looking at the house from the outside, knowing my sisters were inside. It was a creepy neighborhood, but I can't tell you why. As I was looking at the house two teenage boys walked in but I knew they had no right to be there. I was upset that no one locked the door. Suddenly I was in the house, trying to warn Karen and Kristen. Just as suddenly I was next door calling the police. I was frantic, trying to do multiple things at a time. I was panicking. It was horrible because there was nothing I could do.

Interesting how that could be feelings translated from my life. Feeling helpless...

What a Weekend...I'm Exhausted It

What a Weekend...I'm Exhausted
It was a full, full weekend to say the least. Friday night I attended the Four of a Kind holiday party. Then we went bowling. Saturday was all about preparation for the Christmas party, which of course was Saturday night. Sunday was recovery but one day is never enough. It's already Monday, I'm at work, it's cold outside, and I can't drink my coffee fast enough.

Speaking of cold...suddenly Saturday morning it started to feel like winter. I had to put on a sweatshirt to mow the lawn. And it was still so chilly that the cold air burned my nose. We finally turned the heat on Saturday afternoon when Dad, who was over for a visit, covered himself up with a blanket because of the temperature in the house. Sunday night it only seemed to get colder. Karen turned the heat up and I hunkered down under my two down comforters. It's nights like that when I wish Tiger would sleep in my bed to keep me warm. This morning it was so cold that Tiger didn't want to go out. There was frost on everything and the water in the birdbath was solid ice. It's supposed to warm up today, thank goodness.

The Four of a Kind party Friday night was amazing. They had an incredible spread! The food was way better than the food at my company party. Of course the company was better too! Then we headed off to bowling with a number of other bloggers. I had a great time. Bowled really well my first game but slowed down a lot by the second. I just don't have any stamina. But everyone enjoyed themselves. It was a complete surprise when at 10 o'clock, disco bowling began. They turned on black lights which made everything glow - including the balls! The lights mixed with the early 90's music made for a very hilarious time.

Well, the party Saturday night was a success. Being the hostess, I didn't get the opportunity to socialize as much as I would have liked but I had fun all the same. I cooked dinner for 17! Everything turned out better than I could have hoped. Mark was such a help as I finished everything up. Tina and Amber were the angels who did dishes after dinner. Thank you, all! We had a good time laughing as we opened white elephant gifts. Who knew Leia had Michael Bolton and Whitney Houston tapes still?! Andy brought the Magic Eight Ball which was a huge hit. We ate almost everything in sight but we didn't get close to drinking everything in sight. And at the end of the night, my parents even stopped by!

On a random side note, today is the 100th anniversary of the Nobel Peace Prize.

Motivational Poster - via RedCricket

Motivational Poster
- via RedCricket

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Which Evil Criminal are You?

Which Evil Criminal are You?

Ouch You know how when

Ouch
You know how when you cut yourself and it's in a spot that's predominant? It hurts. It hurts when you first cut yourself, but it only gets worse. You can't seem to leave it alone. You find yourself absent-mindedly touching it...over and over. You can't stop. There's some sort of uncontrollable human obsession to keep pouring over the wound. Even though you know it's not helping. You're actually probably making it worse by bringing bacteria into it that wasn't even there before. Yet you don't stop.

Eventually you get mad at yourself for even getting the cut. Anger is simply another form of sadness. You get pissed that you didn't realize you were going to cut yourself. You think about all the things you could have done differently to avoid the wound. Yet you didn't. You just want it to stop hurting. Then you want to blame anyone around you for how you're feeling. For your pain. But it's ludicrous! You cut yourself and you're the only one responsible for how you feel.

But the anger grows. You think about all the drastic things that could be done. You think about cutting your finger off because that would stop the pain. And you could never cut your finger again. It would forever solve the problem. Then you think about the possibility of wounding other fingers so the logic is just to cut off your whole hand. But how silly! You can't function without your hand. You need that. It's a part of the way you function. It's who you are. Some things you can't change.

So the pain eventually numbs a bit. You finally get your head straight and grab the hydrogen peroxide, first aid ointment, and a Band-Aid. You address the problem straight on instead of hoping it will just get better by itself. Once it's all fixed up, all you can do is wait. It takes time for our bodies to heal. The pain will eventually go away. It just takes time.

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Yet another paradigm shift comment.

Yet another paradigm shift comment. That's 3 in 2 days.

Meant

Some things aren't meant to be.

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Second time in two days

Second time in two days that "paradigm shift" has come up in conversation. Strange.

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I just need to brag.

Karen's site looks SO cute now that I've redesigned it. It's not perfect but it's cute. Kinda like me.

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Reoccurring Theme Continued Go check

Reoccurring Theme Continued
Go check out Mark's account of the Ralph Stanley show. Wish I could have gone.

Chris Thomas King link I should have posted yesterday. I wonder if he's sick of being referred to in relation to his father. I know I would be. I also wonder if he realizes his web page needs a redesign.

If you want to hear the NPR bit I heard yesterday, it's here.
If you want to help support my curiosity you can buy this.

Armpit of America
Stumbled on this article yesterday about Battle Mountain, Nevada. It might just be the armpit of America. But it still sounds like an interesting place to visit. Probably just because the journalist is really good.

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Sometimes Life has Reoccurring Themes

Sometimes Life has Reoccurring Themes
Well, not themes so much as subjects.

A couple weeks ago, Mark had me watch O Brother, Where art Thou? for the first time. It was a fabulous film. Then this past weekend, we watched parts of the DVD which were about the music. It's all country, bluegrass, blues type stuff. Really good. I've been learning so much about music recently from Mark so it was fascinating. Then Monday Ralph Stanley played at the Gypsy Tea Room. I didn't make it due to the onset of a cold, but Mark said it was incredible.

Tonight on NPR there was a story about Chris Thomas King, a musician who was also in the film. He's got a new album out and apparently he's done a lot of experimental music. Something tells me I've got to find out more. Too many coincidences. Funny how life can take you down a path sometimes when you hardly expect it. I want to follow these seemingly meaningless bunny trails.

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Good Morning! I'm up, at

Good Morning!
I'm up, at work, and feeling good. I'm surprised that I feel so good considering how I felt yesterday morning. Hopefully the cold is over, at least the worst part. I've got lots to do this week to prepare for the weekend.

Yes, the annual Lucci Christmas Party is Saturday. If I accidentally overlooked you when I sent invites, drop me a note. Also, if you haven't responded, please do. I'm trying to get an idea of how much food to prepare. Remember to dress up, bring what you want to drink, as well as a white elephant gift!

I'm feeling much, much better.

I'm feeling much, much better. Thanks for asking.

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Quote of the Day "I

Quote of the Day
"I am special, but not in the short bus way."
- Jeremy via Leia

Sick Day I'm staying home

Sick Day
I'm staying home today to try to kick this illness thing. I got in bed at 6pm last night and slept almost straight through until 8:30am. I did wake up once for dinner which Kristen kindly fed to me in bed and once for a bathroom break at 1am. Oh, and once at 5:30am when I called into work. My body must have really needed to catch up. I'm still debating whether or not a visit to the doctor is in order. But considering I just got out of bed it's a bit early to tell.

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Just got home from work

Just got home from work and I'm feeling worse. I'm going to crawl into bed with a book. Kristen is going to be sweet and make me dinner. I wish I weren't sick.

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Woke up late this morning

Woke up late this morning and struggled to get out of bed. I think I'm getting sick. Got to the bathroom and hacked up some yellow stuff. Not a good sign. Was making up some time on the highway until I got to 161. It appears that they've closed it in preparation for opening it up as a toll road. So everyone was diverted to my exit. I sat in traffic for 20 minutes. By the time I got here, I was really late. Not a good way to start the week.

Someone please tell me it's going to get better rather than worse.

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Leading questions are always really

Leading questions are always really great. They help you think. I wish I could perfect the act of asking leading questions. There's a lot of wisdom in them.

Quote of the Day 2
"Comfortable becoming unbearable."
- Writer at Inkdeep

Spent the day with Jeremy

Spent the day with Jeremy and Skye. It's so nice to spend time with a couple that obviously loves each other unconditionally. We had a full afternoon with walking the dogs, helping Kristen pull the carpet out of the garage, eating lunch, and separating dog fights. Now I'm gonna curl up in front of the internet with a bowl of french onion soup and a glass of milk.

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Quote of the Day "To

Quote of the Day
"To be relieved of love, she thought, was to give up a terrible burden."
- Anita Shreve from The Pilot's Wife

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Dream In this dream my

Dream
In this dream my parents were shopping for another house. They seemed to think the one we currently lived in was too small and that we should have a bigger one. So they took me to this house to look through.

On the outside, it looked huge. It sat on a corner lot. The driveway was very steep as the house sat on a hill. To get to the porch, which went all the way around the front of the house, you had to climb stairs. The whole house was gray and looked as if it needed a new coat of paint.

Once we got inside I got weird feeling. A woman came to the door to show us around. My mother in particular was very excited to show me around, but I couldn't figure out why. The carpet was all lime green shag. Everything needed to be painted. The living room was huge but had very little natural light. The whole house actually had very little light. I can't live in a cave. Most of the rooms were normal but on the small side. But there were a ton of rooms. My parents explained how cheap the house would be in comparison to the one we currently have and how it was a deal since it was so much better. All I could think about was all the work we had already done on the house we currently have. And the idea of starting all over on a new house just made me sick.

As we were discussing this, the woman who owned the house came over to ask if my parents had showed me the wood floor in what would be my bedroom. Apparently the whole house had wood flooring underneath the carpet. This bedroom as the largest but had an extremely small window. I'm not sure how it was picked as mine but we went to look at it again. The woman explained that it was just blood on the wood floor and with the right amount of sanding, would come off the wood floor. My father pulled up the carpet to show me what she was talking about. There were stains from blood being splattered all over the room. It was horrible. After the lady left, my dad explained that her oldest son had shot himself in this room. Upon hearing that, I was completely creeped out. I refused to even go look at the upstairs. The whole house made me uncomfortable.

As dreams often do, this melted into a different dream, where I was visiting a great, great aunt in Italy. She had this amazing house with a courtyard in the middle and rooms around the outside. She was telling me that this house would be mine when she passed away. I thought it would make a wonderful retreat house.

Later I was at a market not far from her house where I was putting together a still life that I planned on drawing. I got into a discussion with a man about my journal. I told him it was legit - ericalucci.com! I was trying to convince him to let me see the corpse he had in order to draw it in my still life. It was very similar to the corpse in Mulholland Drive so I guess he let me see it.

As we started discussing which part I would draw - only the feet, ankles, and calves in a foreshortened view - I rolled over in bed which indicated to Tiger that I was awake and he started whining to go out. So I never got to see if in a dream-state, I could really draw feet, ankles, and calves in a foreshortened view (since in reality I could never do it very well).

Don't you hate it when

Don't you hate it when you're the first one ready?
We're going to a Margarita Ball tonight. It's a fundraiser for a children's group. Dad is taking Karen, Kristen, and I. Obviously it's formal. It's kindof weird but fun to be all dressed up. I get to wear my pearls - not something I get to do very often. I'm going to take the spy cam and try to get some pictures. I have little to no idea what to expect. Other than a lot of Arlington "socialites" drinking margaritas to their hearts content. I'm not a socialite but I'll definitely be drinking...after all, Dad's driving.

It seems Excite@Home went out of business. Poor Mom and Dad, all they've got right now is dial-up. *suck* My email shouldn't be working anymore either. So for now, email me at EricaLucci@hotmail.com.