Month of April, 2001
From<a href="http://jackie-o.blogspot.com/"> Normalcy is Coursing Through My Veins</a>
"Last night I was entering the downtown 1/9 platform in the station at 14th street, following the maze of tunnels underground from the L :
As I walk past the entrance, I notice a man and woman standing at the turnstile. The man is trying to run his Metrocard through the reader and it isn't working. He mutters, "Fuck you, please swipe again," and pushes it through a second time, more violently than the first. It still doesn't work. The woman, who is standing right behind him, no card in hand, says "See, that's god telling you not to leave." Her voice is thin, desperate. The man swipes his card one last time and it goes through. I think to myself, "Guess god changed his almighty mind." It takes me a minute to realize exactly how cruel that thought is.
So I walk down the stairs and the man is walking right behind me. He doesn't look back, but I do. She's still standing there, but has moved away from the turnstile now. She is behind the black bars right in front of the stairs, peering out from behind a mop of dyed-blonde hair. Her eyes are trained on his back.
Then we're both on the platform, the man and I. I stop right at the bottom of the steps, because I don't have the energy to keep moving. He keeps walking. Slow, measured steps. A guy sits playing guitar on the uptown side. His voice is echoing all around. He is singing "How Sweet It is (To be Loved by You)."
I am waiting at the edge, toes firmly planted on that yellow, textured surface that covers the foot or so before the drop-off. I glance back up the stairs, where the woman still waits. She has her hands wrapped around the bars on either side of her face, her head poking through the opening. I am sure she can't hear the guitar guy singing, and I think this is probably better. Then, she begins to sing her own song. Her voice is not entirely unpleasant, but it breaks now and again, notes slipping. I cannot make out all the words, but their sentiment is clear. Some slow R&B song from the top 40 radio. He's the only one, she doesn't know what she'll do without him. "How Sweet It Is" has ended, the guitar man has broken into "Let's Get it On." I am close enough to the steps that I hear both songs at equal volume. They sound terrible together.
The man keeps walking, as far down the platform as possible. I think for a moment that he might just walk off the edge, but he just leans back against a pole and shakes his head, more embarrassed than sad.
I keep turning my head back and forth. Others look straight ahead in that detached manner I have come to accept as the normal state of being. The woman never once seems as though she is about to buy a fare and come barrelling down the stairs toward the man. She just stands painfully still, her singing not so much competing with the other music as existing in another realm.
I stand there in the middle of the dischord, teetering on the verge, dizzied by all the sound. And then the train comes and drowns out all the music in a rush of noise, and I am so grateful I want to cry."
Why does love have to be so painful?
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From <a href="http://squirrelbait.blogspot.com/">Squirrel Bait</a>
"Hate is the ultimate ego-booster.
No, really: think about it. You can love someone and still feel like something off the bottom of a shoe... but to hate someone, you have to think they are worse than you are... so much worse than you are, ever have been, and ever will be that you are justified in the way you feel about them. Truly self-loathing people do not hate... they try, but soon they start thinking of all the ways they suck more than the person they're angry at and soon all they're left with is a flaccid, wimpy kind of resentment."
Mondays seem the worst after a really great weekend.
So I went to Austin this weekend for Eeyore's Birthday. It was just the break I needed! Here's the short of the long: Karen (my older sister) and I drove down Friday evening. We hung out with Adam and Keith Friday night (at Jonathan's apartment) then slept at Autumn's house. Woke up too early Saturday morning (as usual) and had bagels with Karen, Ky, and Autumn - it's an official tradition now. Saturday we spent the whole day at Eeyore's Birthday, which is an outdoor festival at Pease Park. Saturday night we went to Impanada Parlour to hear Karen's friend, Mel, spin 80's music. Then we left WAY too early Sunday morning, so I could get back to Dallas in time for my Dreamweaver class.
- Notables
- Karen and I went to specifically hang out with a bunch of her college friends. They all went to Texas A&M and I've been pleasantly surprised to meet cool people who went there!
- Keith, who lives in Ohio and is getting married in 3 weeks, was my "best friend" Friday night. It's been a long time since I've met someone as clever and entertaining as Keith. I'm so glad I got the opportunity to hang out with him.
- Adam is WAY taller than I remember. Of course, we've only seen each other in person once and that was at least a month ago. But you'd think I would have remembered having to look up to talk to him...he's 6'3" afterall!
- I got to meet all of Adam's siblings which was awesome! I think his family might be as close as mine...at least that's the impression I got. Adam is the oldest. Then Nathanial who does architectural designing and is marrying Joy, who does something in publishing and is from Florida. Nathanial and Joy came to Eeyore's after their tango lesson - what a cute couple! Catherine is third in line and has the cutest curly hair! She's just gorgous. She is moving to Dallas with her boyfriend, David (?), in a couple weeks so he can help care for his sick father. (Talk about dedication...don't know if I could do it.) Then at the end is Jonathan who is in college, though I never caught what he was studying. He was such a sweetheart to let us hang out at his apartment Friday night. It was so neat to see them all interact together.
- Ky and Autumn are such a cute couple. I didn't get to spend as much time with them as I wanted but it was good to see them together. Saturday morning they were wrestling on the bed...very cute.
- We hit Einstein's Bagels like we always do when I'm in Austin. The guy with blue hair who works there recognized me and was very nice this time. Maybe I'll have an early-rising boyfriend afterall.
- Eeyore's Birthday was a GREAT festival. There's nothing quite like spending a Saturday outside, listening to good music, and hanging out with friends. I'm not going to give details, because they would all be completely meaningless if you weren't there.
- Ran into Lisa Knabb, an old college friend, on Saturday. It was fun to see her again but it was weird. We were never that great of friends in college so why would anything be different now? Lisa went on and on about her life (and her ex) which was fine but wanted me to do the same. I couldn't...I kept getting stuck with "Where do I start?" She probably wouldn't have remembered anyhow.
- At the festival, I also saw Julie Tapley, Brian Henry, and Jason Schlickenmeier - all friends from high school.
- In the grocery store parking lot, Adam ran into a guy he went to elementary school with!
- I met some of Karen's friends that I've never met before. Paul and I hit it off mainly because we work in similar industries. Maurice was so great at making everyone feel comforable and happy. He even brought a hammock and showed Karen and I how to sit in it together without falling out. Betsy had a great hat on Saturday and she seemed very sweet. Though all I caught about her is that she's Greg's roommate. Judd and I didn't talk much either but he surprised me by rubbing my head Saturday night.
- I also got to see some of the friends I have met before. Billy was his usual bubbly self. Everyone was in shock at seeing him dressed down. Dustin was about as tired as I usually am because he's had a lot of work obligations recently. But it didn't stop him from being a flirt Saturday night. Jackie seemed very happy and was having a good time. Adam was super sweet like he always is. Blake and I didn't talk much but at one point he decided to tell Karen that I had walked off to get sick in the bushes. She rushed to find me only to be surprised that I was NOT sick (nor anywhere close to being sick) just gone for a walk. Blake was scolded later, though he probably just heard me wrong. Greg needs a haircut!
- Out in the country while driving home Sunday , I saw a man in a cowboy hat, sitting on his lawnmower, talking on his cell phone. Only in Texas would you get such a priceless image!
I can't say enough what a wonderful weekend I had. It was exactly what I needed to chill out and enjoy people around me. It reminded me that I'm a pretty social person and being around people makes me happy. And you know what, it's OK that it's Monday already.
Weekend Winding Down
Now that I'm back from Austin, exhaustion has hit. I'm TIRED. Let me just say the weekend was absolutely wonderful!!!
Now I'm going to crawl into bed.
Dreamweaver Class
I'm sitting in my Dreamweaver class getting thoroughly annoyed because my instructor has been trying to find out how to get the list of anchors for a page in order to link to them. Ok, that probably doesn't mean all that much to you guys but it's BASIC. The problem is, we can't seem to find a way for Dreamweaver to do it. Which means that all you have to do is remember that you have to link it to the anchor preceeding by the pound sign. ONE CHARACTER! It's absolutely NO big deal. And we just spent at least 30 minutes fucking with it. WHY? Everyone's bitching about how it should be a part of the program and that it's a flaw. Well, you know what? If I were writing the code for this program, I might just assume that my users could remember to put in a # just like they remember to put in http:// for other links. My classmates are pissing me off because they're acting like it's such a big deal. It's NOT. Deal with the fact that this program isn't perfect. Act like you have at least half a brain, despite being 50+ years old, and remember the fucking # sign!!!
Learning New Things About Family
Last night we had Karen's birthday party. It was lots of fun to hang out with the family, but I learned a few new things about them.
- When Kristen was still in high school, she pulled her quad muscle playing volleyball. A few days later when she got up from clipping her toenails, she tore it. And Mom still made her go to school though she was crying and barely able to walk! (This is the sister who can handle an amazing amount of pain.) The crazy thing about this somewhat-major-injury is I never knew. There was a time in college where I was pretty wrapped up in myeslf...I know it's too late, but I feel bad.
- My father is now reading my blog. (Hi, Dad!) Which also means that my mother is too since they talk about everything.
- My great-aunt fell and hurt her shoulder last week. She's 87 so this could be a pretty bad injury. I'm glad to find out, better late than never, so I can send a get well card.
Tiger Eats a Bird
The excitement here never stops. I just got home from work and let Tiger out back for a moment. The next thing I know, he's eating a bird!! Of course, I tried to stop him but he practically swallowed it whole and then looked at me, like "what?" His tail is finally better and now he's got to go screw up his insides! Does anyone know anything about pet insurance?
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Hookers Wanted
Driving to work this morning, I saw a billboard I've never noticed before. In big, red letters it said, "Hookers Wanted." A baffled moment later, I realized it was an advertisement for a golf course and driving range. CLASSY.
I've actually been working today which has been really nice. I was able to put my knowledge of this tool to work and feel like I do have some purpose here. Plus, I like helping people and that's exactly what I did.
You know how sometimes things just happen when you most need them? Yesterday was like that for me. I had a number of friends give me some really nice compliments. It was the pick me up I needed. So I'm not dwelling on the purpose of life quite as much as I was before. However, I still plan on posting my rather dark ramblings on life's purpose. Just not here. I'll let you know where I put it later. In the meantime, why don't you tell your friends something you like about them? They might need it more than you realize.
Floaty Pens
For those of you who don't know, I collect floaty pens. Kris sent me a link to the coolest floaty pens EVER! I think I'm going to break down and spend the $24+ to get them all!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAREN!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAREN!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAREN!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAREN!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAREN!!!
It's Karen's birthday, everybody! So send her an email!
road rage
A bit of road rage slipped out of me this morning. Imagine that?! I really need to take off this weekend and relax. That's what road trips are for, right?
dingdongtheratisdead!
Karen finally caught the rat in her apartment! I think she should now deposit the body at her apartment manager's house, because this woman was saying that it's no big deal and that everyone has rats. Umm, excuse me, what kind of houses has she been living in?!
a sneeze that will break glass
My family was talking about the security alarm incident from yesterday morning. This is going to go down in Lucci history for sure! I think I might have surpassed even my mother's sneezing legacy! And I'm never going to stop getting crap for it. Anyhow, Dad explained a bit more about how the system works. Apparently, I must have sneezed at the same frequency as breaking glass to set it off. Wow, my sneezes are COOL!
Jason's Email
"Hi. My name's Jason. I'm not an alcoholic.
So I just got back from AA. I've really enjoyed the last few meetings I've been to. I don't do anything. I sit in the back and listen, but it's nice to people watch.
Most everyone in the Richardson group are good people and I've notice since I've been going to the noon meetings that it seems to be mostly old-timers. Seems like most of the people at the noon meetings have been coming for years, a lot of them ten years or better. Sometimes this really baffles me. These old timers, even after being sober and living, more or less, the kind of lives they've wanted to live for years, still never run out of things to talk about! Never run out of stories to tell about when they used to drink and how this was hard or that was hard. They tell the stories like 'when they used to drink' was last week, and if you listen you'll come to find out that it was when I was in grade school. People never cease to amaze me. There's one guy that always begins what he's going to say with, "I've been blessed with this precious gift of sobriety since August 12th, 1988." My little sister was born in '86. It's amazing that he still has stories to tell, but ya know what, God bless him.
Anyway, the noon meetings, filled mostly with people that have come to grips with their disease, are WAY better then the evening meetings. The evening meetings are god damned depressing. Seems like people with problems have a harder time after the sun goes down. Factor in all the kids and people like myself, there by court order, that tend to show up more at night and they're just depressing. I just don't get that sense of therapeutic calm that I get from the noon meetings. Maybe it's me, who knows?
So there's this new woman that comes in now, Jill, I think her name is. Mid to late 40's, way too skinny, and simple, in that trailer-park trash kind of way. Anyway, it's been really funny to watch her entrance into the group because I really get the feeling that nobody likes her. Now, in all fairness to the group, I could be projecting, I don't like her. She annoys me. She's a walking pity party. In some ways I suppose we all are, especially the people in there, but when everyone else is feeling sorry for themselves I get the feeling that there's a quiet respect for their sorrow laced with recognition for their accomplishments and their desire to continue on the straight and narrow. With this one, not so much. She's been sober, she claims, for three days today, and maybe it's just me, but I don't really think that she wants to quit. I don't think, deep down, she wants her life to get better. I think she wants people to feel sorry for her. And like I said, I get the feeling that everyone else thinks that too. I could be projecting, but I've really done nothing since I've been coming to those meetings but sit in the back and read the people in there, so I don't think so.
It'll be interesting to see how she progresses in her interaction with the group, assuming she stays. Personally, I don't think she will. I think she'll be in there for a few more weeks till her desire for people to feel sorry for her in that setting has run it's course, then she'll disappear, for a while. Dunno, guess we'll see."
Thank you, Jason, for letting me post this.
Fun Bus & Kids
On the way home from work, I saw an retired, repainted school bus. It was white and in big blue letters said, "FUN BUS." Why is it that I imagine the inside of this bus as having velour couches, curtins in the windows, and people performing horizontal gymnastics?
I walked Tiger in the park today later than usual. The elementary school in my neighborhood had just let out so the park was crawling with kids. A few boys stopped to pet Tiger and talked with me for a little bit. I got the chance to listen and watch elementary boys socialize while in their element. This made me realize two things:
1. Kids are mean.
2. Birth control is good.
Poke the Bunny
Poke the Bunny!!!
-thanks to Karen
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Voicemail Issues
Does everyone have as much trouble saving their voicemail greeting as I do?
Somehow last night all of the greetings were wiped out. (Some "node" issue...like anyone knows what a "node" is...the phone people probably wiped them all out to put me through the torture of recording another message.) So I went about saving my greeting all over again. I usually like doing this when no one is around so that I can get it exactly right. But today I figured I just go for it - I'm not doing anything else. So I finally finish and am all pleased that I didn't make too much of an ass out of myself, when my boss asks me to do the voicemail greeting for our ACD line (no, not like ACDC, what kind of place do you think this is?! ACD - automatic call distribution). I'm like, "WHAT?! I have to do this all over again?!" Except now I have to be worried about all our customers hearing me instead of just the handful that call my personal line! She didn't care, and I had to do it anyhow. So everyone sat back and chuckled at me saying, "You have reached ISAT Level 2 support...blah, blah, blah" over and over and over until I got it right.
Disclaimer
This is a great disclaimer!
Smell
On the way to work this morning I was thinking that my car smelled weird. Then I remembered I had 3 dogs in it last night. Yeah, three dogs will definitely make your car smell weird. Maybe it's time to get a crown air freshener...remember them?
It took me months to figure out why all these people had crowns in their cars!
Powerful Sneeze
Craziest thing! I was in the kitchen this morning to leave Mom a note. All of a sudden, I was overcome with this HUGE sneeze. I sneezed and set the security alarm off! I am not kidding. At first I couldn't believe that I set it off but that was the only thing it could have been. The alarm on our house is not just doors and windows like most. It takes into account air movement and breaking glass so you get warned before someone is actually in the house. However, I think there's something not quite right if I can sneeze and set it off! Then again, for those of you who haven't heard me sneeze, maybe there's just something wrong with me!!
Why are big dogs better than men?
My mother just bought me a shirt this afternoon from Big Dog Sportswear. It's a joke, because we call Tiger, "Big Dog" (since he's bigger than the rest of our dogs). Anyhow, it's not my mom's style at all but it's definitely mine. She did so good!
Why are big dogs better than men?
- Dogs are completely satisfied with a hug and a pat on the head
- Dogs never complain about the meals you serve them
- Dogs don't need to hold the remote control
- A dog will happily sleep on the couch
- Dogs wait patiently outside while you're shopping...and don't care how much you spend
- You don't have to like your dog's friends or family
- Dogs always know who's really in charge
Amazing Who You Run Into
After work stopped to get a bite to eat. Just as I finished eating, I see Tim Casteel, a childhood friend. (I've known the Casteels since kindergarten...Tim is like a cousin.) Ends up he's with his sister, Becca! This was just crazy because we all live at different points of the metroplex yet still manage to run into each other. Apparently, Tim had run into Becca unexpectedy so they were having lunch. Anyhow, it really made my day. There's nothing quite like running into old friends and catching up. Tim is only a year older than me and his wife is pregnant! He's going to be a dad in less than 6 months! My friends have got to stop getting married and having kids!
It makes me feel old!
Senses
I just took a test at emode.com and one of the questions was
"If you had to give up one sense, what would it be?"
So now I ask you.
- taste
- smell
- sound
- touch
- sight
Tiger, Family, Me
Yesterday I took a blanket, a blank book, and a pen with Tiger and I to the park. We laid in a field, and I pondered life while Tiger tried to chase squirrels. So I'm working on a piece about life's purpose. Don't expect great things...just know it's coming.
Stayed up too late last night, but that's ok. I needed it. I cried for the first time in weeks and it felt so good. I've been on the edge of tears so often recently. Last night was the perfect time to just let them roll. No, I wasn't really crying about anything in particular. Mostly crying because I felt the need to cry. I needed the emotional release. I needed to feel sorry for myself for a little while. And now I feel better. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, nor overly sad, so it was definitely beneficial.
My parents are home from their weekend trip to England. Apparently they had a great, great time. I'm so glad that my parents have each other and are happy. It's unusual to see people who like each other as much as my parents do...especially after 30+ years. I'm glad they're home because the house seems pretty empty without them. It's nice to have them around to goof off with. Last night when I came home from obedience school, they were on the computer together researching the college my cousin, Chris, just got a basketball scholarship to. My dad was reading to my mother, and Mom was telling Dad where to scroll back to. It was so cute!
Changed the bandage on Tiger's tail last night with emotional support from Dad and Karen. I'm not particularly good with blood or anything that looks bloody. So it was tough. Luckily, the wound has stopped bleeding and is looking a lot better. I think Tiger's going to be just fine and his tail is going to remain intact. I even managed to change it with only a couple wimpers from Tiger. This is a BIG improvement since the first time, when he was practically crying at the top of his lungs. God, I love my dog.
Contribution to Capitalism
Another slow, boring day at work. Believe it or not, but it's hard to sit around all day with nothing to do. Like Jason said yesterday, "As much as we'd like to think differently, humans are made for work." Thankfully my daily contribution to capitalistic society is almost over, and I will go home to entertain myself with ridiculous objects that are produced by others like myself who contribute their 8 hours daily.
Something is wrong with this cycle.
Quote of the Day
Quote of the Day
"Bradyism: A multisibling sensibility derived from having grown up in large families. A rarity in those born after approximately 1965, symptoms of Bradyism include a facility for mind games, emotional withdrawal in situations of overcrowding, and a deeply felt need for a well-defined personal space."
- Douglas Coupland, as sent by Jason who just finished reading Generation X (and now it's my turn!)
Dreamweaver Class & Tiger's Tail Update
Drove to work in the rain and got to see an amazing lightening show. Every few minutes the whole sky would light up with lightening bolts that ran horizontally. Pretty amazing stuff. Great morning to listen to The Verve. I got plenty of sleep last night so I feel good. It's quiet and dark in the office. Coffee is almost ready. It's a good day.
So I went to my first Dreamweaver class yesterday afternoon. Not everything I had hoped and dreamed but it will do. This is just another example of a teacher who is a bad teacher and ill prepared on top of that. At least she knows the tool. I think that as long as I do enough preparation for class, I'll be able to get exactly what I need out of it. Someday I'm going to teach one of these classes myself. So I'm working on a photo album right now. Wish I could do it right now...just WAY too many files to transfer to my work machine then transfer them back home.
Tiger's tail seems to be doing alright. He can't lick the wound because of the bandage but he was licking the bandage last night. I was going to change it this morning but I was afraid it would start bleeding all over again. So I'm going to leave it until this afternoon. I keep kicking myself for not being more careful getting out of the car. This has been a big hassel I could have avoided if I had just waited one more second.
I'm looking forward to the coming weekend already. Isn't that horrible? I just finished the weekend and I'm looking forward to the next already. Karen and I are going to Austin for Eeyore's birthday party. ("May Day meets Woodstock in this springtime rite of passage, named after the gloomy donkey of A.A. Milne's "Winnie the Pooh" stories." for those of you who aren't from Texas.) I'm really looking forward to seeing Autumn and Ky while in Austin. Besides, a day of debauchery in Austin at a festival sounds exactly like what I need right now.
Church & Beleif
Went to church this morning. Grandma needed a ride since Mom and Dad were out of town so Jason and I decided to go along. Church is like therapy. It's a place to go and feel good about life for a few hours. I wish I could believe in it. People make it very hard for me to believe in God.
I've been thinking a lot about the purpose of life. I need to ramble on and on about this subject someday. But not today.
Tiger's Tail Wound and Vet Visit
I took Tiger to the vet because his tail wouldn't quit bleeding. So the vet shaved the wound, found where it was bleeding, applied something to make it stop, and wrapped it up. He sent me home with antibiotics and tranquilizers. Apparently this is a pretty bad wound and it's a big deal on a tail. He said many times the tail will have to be amuptated because the wound will never heal. Tiger would look weird without a tail. But I feel better because I got some help and know what to do. I'm sure Tiger will be fine in a couple days as long as I can keep it wrapped so he can't lick it. The vet also did a good job at making sure I didn't feel too guilty..."it was just an accident."
Tiger's Tail Wound
Well, I didn't beat Grandma into the kitchen this morning so no cooking. I skipped the jacuzzi and just got in the shower. Then Tiger and I went to the store and got donuts. I also picked up a gorgeous, pink flowering plant. When I got home, Tiger was getting out of the car and I shut the door too quickly. He screamed because I had shut the door on his tail. He pulled his tail loose and now he's bleeding from the scrape. I feel SO bad. I can only imagine how a parent feels when a child has an accident.
What am I doing up
What am I doing up so early?
It's just after 6am on a Saturday. Aren't Saturdays for sleeping in? I went to bed at a decent hour so I guess it's just habit to wake up in the morning. Sleep schedule is so important to me. So despite the fact it's early, I feel good.
Didn't end up going anywhere last night. Mostly because I didn't feel like it. Shawn never called to go to the baseball game like we had planned. Then Karen wasn't going to Jude's party so I didn't really want to go by myself. Going alone isn't a big deal, I just wasn't feeling particularly social. Then there was the party John, Jason's roommate, was throwing for his birthday, but I didn't want to drive all the way to Dallas. So I played on the computer and talked to Jason before going to sleep before 11pm.
I feel like cooking all of a sudden. Maybe I do some cooking this morning before Grandma gets up and needs the kitchen.
Maybe I'll just sit here and write some HTML. I got a bunch of pictures developed and I'd like to post them.
I could get into my parents' jacuzzi with a book. That sounds good.
I'm also contemplating going out to get a couple donuts. There's nothing quite like donuts to make it feel like Saturday.
The Letter Project If you've
The Letter Project
If you've got a little extra time, check out zefrank.com and help him out with this project. I ALWAYS support art on the web...especially the funny kind.
Quote of the Day "There's
Quote of the Day
"There's nothing that says I miss you like vomit."
- Jason Seward, commenting on Orange Cat throwing up while he was away
Previous conversation: Me: Did you
Previous conversation:
Me: Did you know they have a "Premium Hacking Chino" at Banana Republic?
Jason: Any hacker worth his weight would be in his underwear.
I think I agree, but these pants look so good! Can't I just imagine that a computer nerd would wear them, even though I know in a hundred years I'd never see it?!
So I checked Andrew's page.
So I checked Andrew's page. Cute, but is that it?
I really should change my home page. Right now it's cnn.com and every-once-in-awhile when it comes up, it completely surprises me. Like today with the headlines about this being the anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing. Do I really want to remember that anniversary? No, I don't think I do.
I finally got around to calling Richland Community College about the Dreamweaver class. They didn't have any openings last week but they did today! So I registered for that class and in 4 weeks will hopefully know all there is to know about Dreamweaver! (Yeah, right but here's to positive thinking.) Guess I'd better start planning out the page I hope to create. I've been thinking about it for months now so it shouldn't be hard. Just a matter of putting it down on paper and gathering some images.
My parents are leaving in a few hours for England. Mom was up at 4 this morning when I got up. I wonder if she was trying to get on London time. She mentioned that it was snowing where they're going. How crazy. At least it's not cold enough to stick. Just got off the phone with Dad who went over all the things I need to do this weekend while they're gone. Most of it involves driving Grandma to her appointments. She's got a hair appointment and luncheon on Saturday. I wonder if when I'm 89 years old, I'll get my hair set every week. Nahh, probably not. She also need to go to church on Sunday which means I probably will too. Guess I get to act like an adult this weekend and actually take some responsibility.
I come to work all
I come to work all ready to finally sit down and buy a plane ticket for Summer's wedding. And wouldn't you know it, the great fare I found 2 days ago is gone!!! I'm kicking myself for not buying it 2 days ago. I just wasn't ready to spend the money. What's crazy is I have the money so it's not the money that is the problem. It's the mental preparation necessary to spend more than $20 at one time. Pretty pathetic, huh? What can I say? I'm anal about money sometimes. So today I'm mentally ready, I psyched myself up on the way to work and now I'll have to spend a whole $100 more to buy the ticket. I just can't do it. Good thing the wedding isn't until August.
I'm had a number of people tell me they really liked yesterday's 2nd Quote. I think that says a lot about where my friends and I have been. Though sometimes I think I should go back to "the ritual of pharmaceutical usage."
Lunch with Mike yesterday was GREAT. It was so fun to see where he works, what he's working on (a little bit) and to meet the people in his office. God, I can only wish I was working for a company with 8 employees! His boss, Allen, and I talked about IBM; apparently, he "did time" with Big Blue. He said what I've been thinking but never had the guts to say. He said, "Imagine what a company like IBM, who does something like 85 billion dollars a year, could do if everyone actually worked! I've never seen such an inefficient company." I totally agree!! I mean, afterall, my job is pretty much unnecessary and I'm only one ant in a huge ant farm! Andrew, who is a programmer at MarketNet with Mike came to lunch with us. He was very nice. I have to admit though I didn't extend the necessary energy to get to know him. I'll have to go check out Andrew's web page in order to get to know him better. (How fucked up is that?)
It was so fun to catch up with Mike about life and to hear someone else's "coming of age" experience. No, we did not actually refer to it this way, but that's kind of how I'm picturing life right now. The neatest thing was Mike encouraged me to get my portfolio together and just start interviewing for a new job. Duh. Of course that's what I should do! I've been so stuck in the mindset of "I don't know enough yet" that I haven't been focusing on what I DO know. I know art and there's something to be said for that.
Last night when I got home, I started feeling sick very suddenly. So I popped a couple Advil and got in bed. Talked on the phone with Jason for awhile then succumbed to sleep. I expected to be horribly sick this morning but I wasn't. Good things DO happen.
Got email this morning from an old high school friend, Paul. (I would add his last name but I've always had a hell of a time spelling it.) Anyhow, "Paul-E," as we called him in high school, is a good friend of Mike's so I assume Mike sent him the link to my blog. Paul apparently has been keeping one for a year and a half which is why the conversation with Mike came up in the first place. Paul made the cutest comment about online journals - "I find mine especially helpful in remembering what the hell I've done and when I did it." Hmm, sounds like Paul experienced some "ritual pharmaceutical usage." So I haven't checked out Paul-E.net yet, but as soon as I have my bagel, that's what I'm going to do.
2nd Quote of the Day
2nd Quote of the Day
"Mid-Twentes Breakdown: A period of mental collapse occurring in one's twenties, often caused by an inability to function outside of school or structured environments coupled with a realization of one's essential aloneness in the world. Often marks induction into the ritual of pharmaceutical usage."
- Douglas Coupland (as typed by Jason)
Cute deskside support guy just stopped by. He looked really good today. Or maybe I'm just feeling like ogling men. Don't worry, he didn't notice.
There's absolutely NO work to do today. Plus my boss isn't in the office so it's hard to stay here. I mean, what is the point? Only an hour and a half until I can leave. I guess that's not that long. Then I'm having lunch with Mike Murray, who is a friend from high school. "Mikey," as we used to call him, was a year older than me and knew some of the same people I knew. (But he was always MUCH cooler.) Anyhow, Mike is now doing web design here in Dallas, and I thought he'd be a good person to contact since I've got to get out of this job and into another. Hopefully we can take a long, relaxing lunch and catch up with each other as well as talk a little business. Mike has always been the sweetest guy. The last time I saw him, I was at a party with Karen and I wasn't having very much fun. Mike noticed and sat down to chat with me. He's just the kind of guy who does nice things like that.
The annoying coworker is clipping
The annoying coworker is clipping his fingernails at his desk. YUCK. Doesn't he know that kind of thing is supposed to be done in private? Body parts (fingernails, hair, skin, etc.) gross me out. Therefore, I don't want to be thinking about them while at work. It's bad enough living with people. Luckily I have my own bathroom so I don't have to be bothered by anyone's lost body parts or bothering anyone with mine.
I guess I wouldn't mind about Don so much if he used the Tidy Clip.
Quote of the Day "It
Quote of the Day
"It takes a lot of love...to keep your heart from freezing."
- David Gray
Listened to David Gray on the way to work today. It was nice and relaxing. Now I'm just drinking coffee and reading the news. Interesting article about a witness in the 1963 church bombing by KKK members. It's kind of hard to believe they're actually prosecuting after all these years, but I definitely think it should be done. What I find really hard to believe is that no one has ratted after all these years. I'm sure someone knows but is too afraid to tell the authorities. People just can't keep secrets forever so I know SOMEONE knows. In a way, I feel sorry for the men who are going to trial. They could be anyone I knew in Lubbock or in Conroe. Just good-old-boys who are probably decent most of the time. It's so sad they lived with so much hate. Where do people find hate for other people? How did these men get to where they hate a skin color so much they would actually kill? I grew up in the South and I don't hate like that. It's a sad, sad situation but the sadest part is definitely the four children who died in the bombing in 1963.
Last night Jason and I were talking about our day. Apparently, he did some laundry and when he went through the pockets of his stuff he hit the jackpot! He found 4 lighters, 3 pens, and $22!! (If only I found stuff like this in my clothes, I'd do laundry more often!)
Last night I cleaned the carpet in the living room. Ended up moving EVERYTHING out of the room and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. It was actually very rewarding, because the carpet looks a lot better. My right arm is a little sore today from the repetetive vacuuming motion. My parents were so awesome about me doing it. They didn't say anything as I blared Beasty Boys above the sound of the carpet cleaner. So the first room (the biggest room) in the house is done. Which means I only have 4 more rooms and the hallway to do!
One of my coworkers just
One of my coworkers just pointed out that next month will be my 6 month anniversary here. Have I really been fucking around at work for a whole 6 months?! And they still pay me? The real kicker, is have I really been living at my parents' house for 6 months? Oh my god, it's been longer that that! I've been living with my parents 8 months! I moved in August 1. I've been in Dallas for 8 months and I haven't freaked out or died yet. Didn't EVER think I would be able to stay here. Hmm, maybe this isn't so bad afterall.
Sometimes I hate my horoscope:
Sometimes I hate my horoscope:
"Dont be overemphasized on self-nurturance or you may be criticized for being self-centered."
Damnit, I like being self-centered!
Found an article on why
Found an article on why I was stuck in traffic yesterday.
Check out where this picture was taken - on TOP of the overpass. Stupid, stupid news people.
It's early and still dark
It's early and still dark outside. What am I doing at work? Oh yeah, this is my life - going to bed early so I can get up early to come to work and do nothing.
New code went out in our application last night. Everything appears to be working well. I'm not sure I can believe it since the last 3 or 4 releases were rather bumpy. It's amazing how much planning pays off.
I was thinking about John on the way to work this morning. I was thinking that I'm not as upset as I was a couple weeks ago. So I guess that means I need to go back and reread his email. Just as a reminder that he's mean and isn't the person I thought he was.
Dog training went pretty well last night. At least I really enjoyed it. It was gorgeous outside and Tiger was really playful. Which is good and bad when you're trying to do obedience. I got to talk a little more with the guy I've become friends with. Right now he's "guy" because I can't remember if his name is Pete or Paul. Isn't that horrible? Oh well, I see him once a week and we've talked for probably a total of 20 minutes over the past 6 weeks. Paul (which is the name I'm leaning towards right now) is this sweet, older man with curly, flyaway hair and a wolf hound with surprisingly similar hair. There is some truth to people looking like their pets. Last night he came over after class to give Tiger a treat, which has made Tiger extremely fond of Paul, and to my surprise, he started a conversation. Paul asked where I worked and what I do. Turns out Paul is an electrical engineer at Lockheed in Fort Worth. It's amazing how many engineers have been in my life over the past few years. Of course, some of that was attending Texas Tech which is a big engineering school. But then there was Wade, the guy I met in Austin and went out with a couple times in January. There's Dave. And Neil Grant, who was just visiting. And now there's Paul. (Aren't there any female engineers? What kind of silly question is that - of course not.) Paul seems to be the typical, quirky, socially uncomfortable engineer, which is kind of cute but only because he's at least 50.
Quote of the Day "We
Quote of the Day
"We don't have to stay friends,
We can pretend to be enemies.
Whatever makes you happy."
-song on the radio
Just remembered a dream from
Just remembered a dream from last night. I was trying to get a job at a convenience store. This guy that used to work at Papa John's with me in college was the manager. (Why do weird, weird people from my past always pop up in my dreams?) For some reason my father was there with me. I had to get up really early in the morning (sounds familiar) and walk to this store. We lived out in the country and this was the only thing for miles around. Hmm, this is now sounding a bit more like a nightmare.
Anyhow, that's all I remember.
There's something a bit creepy
There's something a bit creepy about receiving free software in the mail. Is it really what it says it is? Or is it some government conspiracy to track each and everyone of my keystrokes?
Knowing how exciting my life is, it's probably what is says it is.
On the way home today,
On the way home today, I got stuck in traffic. I couldn't help but wonder why at 3:30 in the afternoon there would be a traffic jam. It wasn't until I saw that television cameras on the overpass that I started to figure it out. I thought they were filming the richest Arlington high school and some tradegy that occured there. To my relief, it was just a landslide next to this overpass. As I went under, I saw some engineers inspecting the underside of this bridge. And wouldn't you know it, the news trucks were parked right on top! I imagined the whole overpass cracking apart with the news trucks plummeting into the highway below. Now THAT would be some news!
I'm not feeling particularly good
I'm not feeling particularly good this morning. I'm a bit tired and it's making me grouchy. Plus, my coworkers are driving me crazy. Bob can't seem to communicate with any kind of proper explaination today. He's saying things like "So, there're going to take care of that one but this one is still open?" completely out of the blue. He's not pointing to anything and we were not in the middle of a conversation. So I have NO idea what "that one" and "this one" refers to!!! Oh my god, I'm not a mind reader!!! Then there's Don who wants someone to hold his hand when he does anything. I gave him my opinion on one of the issues he had and he said something like "Well, it won't really matter which way I do it because I'll inevitably have to do it the other way." Great attitude, Don! How old are you? Oh, you're 5 stuck in a 65 year old's body?! Then Bettye comes in at 11 o'clock which normally is fine but pisses me off today (because I got out of bed at 4am and am tired!). She starts asking me about an issue I left a note about. She doesn't even bother to pull up the record to see what kind of explaination I wrote down. Instead she starts asking me if it was the one she worked on Thursday or a different one on Friday. How the hell should I know? I didn't work on those with you! I put everything I know in the ticket and you should go read it before you even start asking me questions. Again, I can't read minds! UGH!
I just want to go home and get into bed. I'm grouchy bear and grouchy bears need to be alone.
It's Monday. The only thing
It's Monday. The only thing good about that is listening to George Michael in the car on the way to work. I'm tired and wish I was still in bed.
Yesterday was a really great day. We ended up having a total of 15 people for lunch. It was great to have that many people around. The food and conversation were great. My mother is an amazing cook. The neat part is how relaxed she is cooking for such a large group. Mom just takes it all in stride and everything turns out perfectly!
Got a weird email this morning. I think it's a case of wrong address/wrong person but it's so sweet. It's an e-card with a poem and some pretty music. Very sweet but I don't think it's for me. It was sent to an old address that I don't use anymore but forward to the new account just in case. Here's the note or you can go check it out:
To : Strong
From : Andrew ( grillon@123musician.com )
How is your day ?
I have been seeing your photos for all day.
During missing you, I won't work and answer any phone call.
bye!!
Love, An Admirer
Of course for a half a second, I was worried that I was sending photos to the wrong person and quickly picked myself up a stalker.
Yesterday I was in the car with my windows rolled down because it was gorgeous outside. This guy pulls up next to me at a stop light and says "Hey, sexy" to me. I'm thinking to myself, "Wow, it's been a long time since I've been catcalled...too bad someone had to ruin my clean streak." So of course, I turn and look at the guy who is probably only 16, and ask him if he really thinks calling me "sexy" will work. "No," he replies in a rather dumbfounded way. Glad to know guys are getting smarter. If only they could now make the jump to higher thinking and realize that "it won't work; therefore, I shouldn't say it."
Went to the Melting Pot,
Went to the Melting Pot, a fondue restraunt, last night with Kris , Shari (aka. m0m), Jason, and Susan, Kris's aunt. Kris got to pick the restraunt since he's moving back to Lubbock tomorrow. I've never eaten fondue as a whole meal before but I admit that it was a lot of fun! Maybe I'll go on and on later about the process but not right now. Just before we left, I ran into Mike Brennan, an old friend from college. It was so crazy to see him because it's been a number of years. It was even crazier after I found out he lives in LA now! Small, cosmic world.
Since it's Easter Sunday, I decided to attend church with my parents. This is not something I do on a regular basis; though, growing up, I was at the church any and everytime the doors were open. I used to be very religious/spiritual. Now I am little of either. So my parents go to a mega-church. It hasn't always been like this but has grown to be this huge, crazy church in the past 6 years or so. They just built a new building (which is HUGE) and today was only the second Sunday in this building. So it was kindof neat to see it and all the fanciness that goes along with it. I'm talking big projections screens, two drum sets, movie theater-like seats, a coffee shop, etc. It's INSANE. I'm not nearly as bothered by religion as I used to be when I first decided it was a crock. I also feel like people need church for a number of different reasons. I also think it's great that there are so many different kind of churches for lots of different kinds of people. However, I find it really, really hard to see as much money as this church is spending on these things. Isn't the church supposed to be all about Christ? And didn't Christ spend his whole ministry living day to day, with only the clothes on his back and eating only when people would feed him? Yet, he still took care of the poor and the sick despite not having anything himself. Somehow, I think as Christians in America have missed it. That's just one of the many reasons I can't be apart of that religion.
But sometimes I wish I could be apart of it again. I was thinking this morning how happy I would have been on Easter Sunday about 6 or 7 years ago when I was a Christian. I really did have a joy about life that I don't have anymore. Maybe it was just blind belief, but it made me happy. I wish religious holidays, even just Sundays, had the same meaning to me that they used to. At times I wish I was still ignorant to the world and only knew Christianity. But you can't move backwards in life, can you?
So I choose to be happy today for different reasons than I would have been happy years ago. I am happy because I have my needs met and so much more. I am happy because my parents love me an welcome me in their house. I am happy because I have friends even if they are scattered all over the US. I am happy because I am healthy physically and mentally. I am happy because I have a pet who loves me uncontionally. I am happy today because I am with my family.
Saturday Morning
It's Saturday morning, 10am. I can't believe I slept this late. It's been a long time since I've slept this late. I kindof feel lazy but then I remember I got home at 3am. I think I have an excuse.
So Shannon's party last night was pretty fun. I met a lot of people some more interesting than others. I think the highlight of the evening for me was sitting on the couch talking with James and Kurt, two perfect strangers. I don't know how the conversation got started but instead of the usual "tell me about you" bullshit, I decided to guess about their lives. So I created a life for them out of my imaginiation. Let's see, Kurt lived with his boyfriend in a loft. He sold insurance and drove a grey/silver Honda Accord. James worked in computers on the software side, programming or something. He lived by himself in a dark apartment. He only had one pillow and one blanket on his bed. Now of course, those were my "stories." Ends up that Kurt is unemployed (though I found out later he spins records from time to time), is married, and drives a silver car (but it's not a Honda). James works with computers but on the hardware side. He is married, his apartment is fairly dark and he does only have one blanket on the bed (he gets hot easily). They guessed that I was a hairdresser in some fancy salon, lived by myself, and drove a Honda Civic. One out of three is not bad! This imagining someone's life game is very fun and I highly recommend it. Especially when you're with perfect strangers. James and Kurt wanted me to tell stories about lots of other people there. I refused to do it if I knew anything about the person because even one bit of information can influence the whole story.
Had a good conversation with Dustin about painting. He's teaching himself to paint with watercolor. I told him that anytime he wants to get together an paint that he should call. It took us forever to actually get my number programmed in the cell phone. Isn't technology great? No more matchbooks or bits of napkins to hide in pants pockets. I also talked with Laura(?) who just moved from Miami to Dallas. She sounded like a really sweet girl but was a little too intense for me. You know, that high-energy, non-stop conversation? People need to learn to be more comfortable with bits of silence. It's part of the flow of conversation. Also, met Nicole, who is from Arlington. Ends up she knows Chastity Rosell, a girl I knew briefly in high school. That took me on a memory trip last night! Later in the evening we went to Soul2Soul to dance. It was great! I needed a bit of hard, intense, don't-give-a-fuck dancing. VERY fun! Got home at 3am...hmm...I think I already said that.
It was good to go out last night, drink a little bit, and meet people. I just wish I didn't have to stay up so late when I go out. I just know my sleep schedule is going to be fucked up for a whole week because of last night. You know, right before bed, I thought to myself, "I've been up for 23 hours straight. That's fucked up." Hey, at least I slept good.
I did have a weird dream this morning though. I was living in an apartment with windows that faced a courtyard. For some reason I was in bed with the blinds open. All of a sudden I woke up and there was a red, laser-pointer light on my sheets. Someone in an apartment across the courtyard had a laser pointer pointed into my bedroom. Interpretations anyone?
So yesterday while I was
So yesterday while I was watching movies with Kris and Jason, my phone rang. I hate answering the phone during movies but I decided to answer anyhow. It was Kristen and she was really excited. She had just gotten Bentley, her dog, to play dead! If you knew Bentley you'd know what kind of accomplishment this is! Kristen was so excited and I'm excited for her! Now, if she can just teach him to quit whining when he wants to be petted.
Quote of the Day this
Quote of the Day
this time with a picture!
"I just came back from the post office and I picked up my red nsync panty set! Weee! I'm not wearing it until June 4th (my concert). It comes with a tank top that has nsync written across the chest area. So I'll wear it to the concert with a jeans jacket. Cool, I'm gonna look like a slut! Hehe, joking. OO....I can't wait!"
Danie Kinz
Wow, wish I had Nysync panties! Hint, hint.
Conversation Karen and I had
Conversation Karen and I had yesterday. I decided she told it a lot better than I ever could.
Karen: I had a little visitor last night
BIG NASTY one
Me: what happened?
Karen: oh well, mom had given me a loaf of bread, which i left on the table half out of the steinmart bag. i meant to put it in the fridge, but i forgot. So about 11.30 i am ALMOST asleep when I start hearing all this crashing around
the bag was rustling around loudly. SO I am freaking out, naturally
you just feel so vunerable when you are in bed
so i jump up and put on my robe and turn on the light in the hall and see him whisk off. i don't know where he went.
he was on my KITCHEN TABLE
and he chewed thru the bag w/my bread in it
so i call dad and he basically says tough deal with it
Me: typical dad
Karen: he called and apologized this am. said he was asleep
but I'm rebaiting the trap this afternon and will prolly buy a couple of more and put them out where the rat will see them
and hopefully DIE and horrible nasty YUCKY death
i just have to be smarter than the rat.
Me: I don't think that will be a problem
Karen: needless to say i am NOT a happy camper and I'm tired.
Me: hopefully by this weekend you will be able to catch him
Karen: yeah, now its a mission
THE HUNT FOR THE RED RAT
Me: is it red?
is he a he?
Karen: no, but it sounded good
and of course it's a HE all yucky icky things are He's
Update
Quiet morning at work so far. I just finished addressing all the envelopes for Summer's bridal shower. Now I just have to write all the cards. The hard part isn't the repetition (I actually love that part). The hard part is figuring out what to say and how it should look. I've given up a lot of my perfectionism, but it creeps back in every-once-in-awhile.
It's Friday, and I can't wait to get home to actually do some work. As you all know, I seldom do any work AT work. I'm perpetually pondering why they pay me so much to sit here. Anyhow, I have all sorts of things to catch up on this weekend. The main one being these invitations. They should have gone out last weekend but they didn't and I slacked all week so they HAVE to go out this weekend. Can you tell I'm a bit flustered?
I need to clean my room which mainly is organizing since the cleaning ladies actually picked it up for me. You have no idea how bad I feel about this. You see, my parents have 3 women who come clean our house every two weeks. They're paid what I think is a ridiculously LOW amount of money to clean our house but since I'm not paying for it, I have little room to complain. I just know I wouldn't clean my parents' house for that kind of money. Anyhow, the point is they're paid only to do the basic cleaning - vacuuming, dusting, washing the bathtub, etc. They are NOT paid to clean up after me or to make up my bed. However, since I failed to clean my room Wednesday night, knowing full well they would be coming on Thursday, they cleaned it for me. I feel so guilty because I'm an adult and no one should be cleaning up after me. So now that all the papers and in neat little piles on the floor (instead of strew all the way across my room), I have to put them away this weekend.
It also wouldn't hurt for me to wash some clothes since if I leave them on the floor of my room, Tiger will drag them out to the living room to play with. I don't know if he just likes to play with clothes, likes the way my dirty clothes smell, or if he just wants to embarass me. But it's hard to come home from work and hear my Dad say, "You know that pair of leopard print underwear that's on your bed? Tiger dragged those out into the living room today. Just thought you should know." OK, Tiger, THANKS! I'm embarrassed. The ONLY pair of animal print underwear I own gets dragged into public space for my father to see!
I'm also going to get started on shampooing the carpet. Yesterday I went to Jason's house after work instead of working on the carpet. I kind of let my parents down by not jumping right on it but what would you rather do? Sit around with the sweetest guy, cuddle, and watch movies or clean carpets? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Going to a party tonight with Karen. Ooo, speaking of which, that reminds me of a good story Karen told me yesterday. Hmm, guess I'll have to post that later. Anyhow, we're going to a party at her friend, Shannon's house. I've met Shannon twice so I can't say I know her. It should be interesting because another friend (who I've met but can't think of his name right now - Darin, Dwight, D-something...DUSTIN!) is going to spin and we're all supposed to bring candles. (Someone pray the house doesn't get caught on fire tonight.) I'm just looking forward to doing some dancing and meeting new people. I'm taking the opportunity to get out of the house and meet people! Aren't you surprised and proud of me?! Well, I am!
I found a tennis ball
I found a tennis ball in the parking garage this morning. Felt like a child as I bounced it on the sidewalk, through the atrium, and on the elevator. But sometimes you just have to do annoying stuff when no one is around; otherwise, there's no point to coming to work at 5:30am.
Karen and I went to Arlington Memorial Hospital with my parents last night to visit Rachel, a friend of my younger sister. Rachel was admitted Tuesday night because she has meningitis. It's the one that can kill you in 24 hours. Your neck gets stiff and you run a high fever. It's fairly rare but people do die from it every year. Luckily Rachel has the viral kind which isn't as deadly as the bacterial. So they put her on major antibiotics, and she's doing well. She was up and talking to us just like normal. I'm so glad everything is going to be ok, because Rachel is a really special woman.
After the brief hospital visit and a little encouragement from me, Dad took us to Marble Slab for ice cream. Oh, my gosh, it was SO good. I had amaretto with almonds. Karen had swiss chocolate and marshmellows. Dad ate a bit of both of ours. And Mom only had a few bites since she's on a diet. The really neat part was I got my money out to pay and Dad offered to buy. He's SO sweet!!! I swear I'm the most spoiled 24 year old I know.
Then we went to Walmart to buy a carpet cleaner. (Did you know you can shop online at Walmart now?!) We decided on a Bissell after some internet research. (Specifically the "ProHeat Clearview Plus"...who names these things? Check out the cool animation on this page. Definitely a selling point!) My parents have beige carpet which has gotten progressively darker ever since Tiger moved in. However, it's not completely Tiger's fault. It's just the amount of traffic in my parents' hosue. (Which is a good thing - a full house is a happy house.) I promised after Tiger first moved in that I would get the carpets cleaned once he was completely house trained. Tiger was pretty much house trained when I adopted him but there's always a few accidents at first. Since it made my mother pretty uptight, I commited to cleaning the carpets. About a month ago, my parents realized that their carpet problems are not just Tiger's fault. Both of my sisters have dogs who come over on a regular basis. Also, my parents' dog has been sick a few times recently. OK, the point to all this rambling is they decided to buy a carpet cleaner instead of getting the carpets professionally cleaned. And I get to pay for half of it, as well as the responsibility of the first full house cleaning. So it looks like I'll be cleaning my little heart out this evening in order to prepare for the weekend company.
Went to bed as soon as we got home at 10pm (good thing I took a nap yesterday) but woke up last night at midnight. I was having nightmarish dreams so I got up and naturally got on the computer. I was going to blog but Adam was online. So we talked for a little while. It was good to have someone who could take me out of dream world and place me back in the security of reality.
The rain yesterday must have brought cooler weather with it. It's in the 50's right now. Absolutely perfect. Maybe we'll have spring for a couple days.
Quote of the Day "But
Quote of the Day
"But people are stupid. That still doesn't explain it. DAMN the theory of evoultion...the stronger survive...not any more we fucked that ALL up."
Kris Wiley
Server 54, Where Are You?
Server 54, Where Are You?
"The University of North Carolina has finally found a network server that, although missing for four years, hasn't missed a packet in all that time. Try as they might, university administrators couldn't find the server. Working with Novell Inc., IT workers tracked it down by meticulously following cable until they literally ran into a wall. The server had been mistakenly sealed behind drywall by maintenance workers."
Thanks, Karen, for this great link!
my husband is an internet
my husband is an internet sex addict
"You are probably thinking "who is this loser chick that she would stay with this guy?" I would like to figure that out myself. Lord knows I never put up with this kind of shit before in my whole life. I have dumped husbands for much lesser infractions. So why am I putting up with this husband's lies??"
Dave wrote:
Dave wrote:
"So I went to Fry's after work to do some serious dorking-out...While walking into the store, I noticed one of the employees emptying the garbage can out front. He proceeded to sort out the Coke cans and plastic bottles, gather them up, and then go throw them in the bushes! I was incensed! In this day and age, and in the usually progressive area I lived in, I simply could not fathom that some jerk would deliberately be throwing recyclable materials into the bushes!
Then I realized he was "seeding" the shrubbery for the homeless people that scour the area at night. It's kind of sweet actually, setting it all up so the unfortunates would at least achieve a sense of accomplishment."
Only in California!!
Yahoo Enters Porn Industry
Yahoo Enters Porn Industry
"In the online sex market, size does matter," said Dan Lavin. "There's no one bigger than Yahoo."
Crazy, crazy weather When I
Crazy, crazy weather
When I first rolled out of bed (at 4am), Tiger asked to go out. So I threw on a robe and took him out, hoping the newspaper delivery person wouldn't drive by as I'm standing in my robe in the yard at 4am. The weather was very typical for this time of the morning - cool with a light breeze. At the time I didn't think anything of it. I just went inside to get ready for work. This takes me about 30-40 minutes depending on what I decide to do. (This morning I wasted a good 10 minutes trying to get a picture of my horribly bloodshot eyes to email to Jason. I never quite got the lighting right.)
Right before I left for work, Tiger and I went outside again. I thought I had heard low rumbling thunder earlier and turns out I was right. Tiger and I were only outside a minute and the wind started blowing and it started sprinkling. I definitely thought this was weird but mostly because Tiger was getting freaked out. He's afraid of storms. Of course I wanted to stay home and comfort him but alas, corporate America calls. So I grabbed my stuff and headed out the door. On my way to the car (which is in the driveway which is less than 20 feet from the house) the sky just opened up! The rain only proceeded to get worse as I drove to work. I was thinking, "Is this punishment for something deviant I did yesterday?" It was coming down hard and being pushed around by the wind in sheets. There was so much water so quickly that it made driving rather difficult. I actually saw someone turn donuts on the highway...VERY scary. I made it work in one piece (after almost hitting some shopping carts that were in the middle of the road!) and was very thankful for the parking garage. The rain was coming down so hard the whole atrium, which has a glass ceiling (fitting, don't you think?), sounded like being in a waterfall.
Now, only an hour since it was storming hurricane style, it's over. The wind has stopped. There is no rain. It's a bit creepy.
I'm feeling REALLY silly today.
I'm feeling REALLY silly today. I wonder if it's that candybar I just finished eating. Hmm, note to self...don't eat candy at work. Work is not a good place to feel silly.
Beware of hysterical laughing fits about nothing!
I forgot to mention yesterday
I forgot to mention yesterday that Jason and I went to the Modern Art Museum of Fort Worth after seeing Journey into Amazing Caves. I love that museum so much and haven't been to see it in way too long. You know, for a city like Fort Worth, they really show some great art. The show we saw, Ultra Baroque - Aspects of Post Latin American Art, was wonderful! I really enjoyed Miguel Claderon's photography! The best part of going to the museum was being able to talk with Jason about art afterwards. Jason was such a good sport to go with me and he really seemed to enjoy it. (I know that not everyone enjoys looking at art as much as I do.) It was good to talk with Jason about the show and the work afterwards. I feel like Jason teaches me so much about computers and technology but that I have little chance to teach him anything. This was a wonderful opportunity for me to share something I'm passionate about.
The show was amazing and it really makes me want to go to Latin America to make art. Maybe someday.
Dog training went really well
Dog training went really well last night. Tiger seems to enjoy himself and I'm trying to keep it fun for him. I need to work a little bit more with him on sitting and lying down. (Or is it laying down? I really need a grammar refresher lesson!) I've been pretty lax thus far about making him sit because he's a Greyhound and it's physically difficult for him. However, I think with a little practice, he'll be able to comfortably sit when I occasionally ask him to. So that's what we're going to work on this week - sitting.
I'm contemplating the weekend already. Autumn would like me to come down and visit her. However, my parents are having friends in town since it's Easter weekend. And I would like to spend some time with their friends. (The Grants were our neighbors in Houston years ago so I grew up with them. They're like extended family.) Also, this is Kris's last weekend in Dallas as he moves to Lubbock on Monday. Plus, Shari, aka. m0m, is coming in town for the long weekend and to help Kris move.
Hmmm, I'm not sure all that reminiscing is making my decision any easier. At least I don't have to decide today.
Isn't it weird that they
Isn't it weird that they put health warnings on keyboards? I mean, come on, do we really have to be warned about every little threat in our society? Basic rule to follow: when it hurts, stop doing it.
Design
So I can't quite get the picture thing like I want it. But this is a learning experience, right?
Jason said today he doesn't like the green. I like the green. But now I'm getting all paranoid about the green. Wasn't this blog for ME?! Maybe tomorrow I'll have some time to play with colors. Probably something lighter that will be easier to read.
DevotedBee.com
Quote of the Day
"Too bad dark languages rarely survive."
Movie Weekend
Weekend was good. Jason and I spent most of it watching movies. We saw The Contender, Urbania, Wonder Boys, and Journey into Amazing Caves. We spent most of the weekend hanging out in my sister's apartment while she was out of town. It was nice to do nothing all weekend. Of course, by Sunday I started freaking out that I had so much to do and not enough time to do it. But I got to the things I absolutely had to do and will address the rest of it this week.
Yesterday, we went to a street festival in Arlington with my family. I decided to bring Tiger along which was a lot of fun. People just can't quit staring at him. There were lots of people who asked about Greyhounds and what they're like. Tiger just hung out while adults and children alike touched him. I would have gotten annoyed by the end of the day but he was very tolerant. I think I have the best dog in the whole world. (At least the best one for me.) I'm very lucky.
I think my favorite movie this weekend was The Contender. (Well, Journey into Amazing Caves was really awesome too but in a different way. Caves was at the Omni Theater which is at the museum. So it was an educational film.) The Contender was about the possibility of a woman being vice president. It revolved around allegations that she had been sexually deviant in college therefore she wasn't fit to be VP. What was amazing is Joan Allen's character basically said she wouldn't answer the allegations. She wouldn't explain herself because her sex life should not have been brought up in regards to her ability to perform the job. In addition, she pointed out that a man would never have to answer about his promiscuity. It was SUCH a good movie which brought up a bunch of issues that this country needs to be dealing with. I mean, my god, why haven't we had a female VP? Why are all the women in government with any kind of power so genderless? I think women should be proud to be who they are and not to play by different rules from the men. Before I get off on a feminist sermon, I'll stop. Just look around you at the way women are treated differently in your workplace or even among friends. Pay attention to how you treat women around you. And always, always support equal treatment regardless of gender.
Thanks to Jason for knowing I would appreciate this movie.
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New Look
What do you think of the new look? I spent most of my work day learning the code to do these things. Obviously I'm a beginner. But I'm SO excited! I can't believe I'm actually programming something! It was very fun today to write it all out, think it all through, and then see the final product as you see it now. I'm quite pleased with myself but I know I won't stay like this for long.
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Jury Duty
Today is a good day. I got plenty of sleep and my allergies aren't bothering me this morning. Plus I have a warm cup of coffee and a bagel to start the day. I couldn't be happier. Oh, I could...and I am, now that I realized it's Friday!
I'm looking forward to a very relaxing weekend at my little sister's apartment. She's going to College Station (home of Texas A&M) to visit some friends.
On my way to work this morning I was thinking about jury duty. (Not sure what that thought was connected to but not the point.) I served jury duty for the first time in January. I've been called up multiple times in the past 5 years but always got out of it due to being in school Anyhow, I went to the courthouse in Fort Worth to serve. A ton of the morning is spent waiting to check in and waiting for everyone else to check in. Then you have the procedure and rules explained to you. You wait some more, and they finally assign you to a jury. I had to fill some paperwork out, then was told to come back in the afternoon. So I screwed around for a few hours in downtown and showed up at the proper courtroom at the proper time. We waited some more! Finally we filed into the court. As soon as we got settled, I realized that the defendant looked REALLY familiar. I started searching my memory for how I could know a man who is almost my father's age, but isn't a friend of the family? Did I meet him at a bar? If I did, it certainly wasn't memorable. Did I just see him somewhere so he just looks familiar? After the judge addressed the jury, introductions finally began. It was then that I realized, the defendant was Bob Doe's father!!! *Names have been changed to protect the innocent.* Now Bob wasn't a good, good friend, but we did date for a short while when I first moved back to Arlington. So, naturally, I spent some time at Bob's house and met his father. Bob's father was being charged with a DWI. I already knew that Bob's father is an alcoholic. I mean, it's not something you can just ignore once you spend some time at their house. Since I already came to my own conclusion about the defendant's guilt, I knew I needed to get off the jury. Luckily, the lawyers let me go home after hearing I would have a very hard time being impartial. What a crazy day that was! I never, ever, in a million years would have guessed that I would have known the defendant. Especially in Arlington, where I only know a handful of people! Just shows that there are no coincidences.
Which reminds me...if you've never read The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, you should. He makes some wonderful points about coincidences.
Another excellent book is Ishmael by Daniel Quinn.
Queen
Wow, I never knew I was a drag queen!!
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WHAT?
You should have seen the look on Tiger's face this morning. He was like "WHAT? You're leaving again?" Poor thing, I didn't spend any time with him yesterday because I helped Kris move after work. So I left the house before 5am and didn't get back until 8:30pm. Then I just tumbled into bed exhausted. Well, actually, I did pet Tiger and talk to my parents some before tumbling into bed. So I'll make a special effort to spend some time with Tiger after work today. God, I love that dog.
I think Texas has once again skipped the spring season and has jumped right into summer. It's SUPER humid today and the forecasted high is 87 degrees!
Kristen is going out of town this weekend and I've been entrusted with the care of Bentley, her dog. Should be fun since Bentley is wound up tight as a spring! He's adorable and seems to like me quite a bit. So Tiger and I (and possibly Jason) will be enjoying the use of Kristen's apartment (and specifically DVD player) all weekend. Won't Friday hurry up and get here already?!
Hmmm, I think I'll go downstairs and get something to eat. Breakfast sounds appealing this morning. Plus I have all that change in the bottom of my purse...
"Fucking Victim?"
Do I act like a victim? Apparently someone thinks so. I was told to fuck off - guess that means he's mad. I did warn him though that he might not want to read what I wrote. Guess he didn't pay enough attention to the warning.
So let me warn the rest of you out there reading this, my blog is FOR ME. I have quit writing in a journal (which I've done ever since I was in elementary school) and now I write online. It was my choice to make what I consider very personal writing public. These are the things I really think and feel. This is a bit of who I am. I'm very comfortable with sharing these things. I like me. I like me for the first time in a long time.
Secret Admirers?
Secret Admirers?
Isn't this kinda creepy? I mean, why not just tell the person (as you already have to know their email for this to work)? But why would anyone want to be adult about dating?
Drove in a Big Cloud
Drove to work today in one big cloud. It was like a dream where everything was fuzzy and nothing had any detail. The light coming from street lamps was diffused in beautiful cones separated by patches of darkness. I lost myeslf in this surreal world while driving on the highway and listening to Moby. I think the fog today was just for me. I needed the protective layer and the visual stimulation. I wish you could have been there to see and feel the mood.
John sent a link to another story he's posted. He said he didn't know why but he thought I would like it. He was wrong. I actually didn't like it at all. Very morbid and I'm not into that kind of thing right now. Though I know what he was getting at with the story. My life is positive for the first time in a long time, and I want to continue focusing on good things. I knew this year would be better than last and it is. Everything works in cycles. Despite not liking the story John thought I would like, I did enjoy another one he wrote. It was very indicative of John's style, at least how I remember it. So I wrote John a note back saying a little bit about what I thought of the stories. I also gave him the link to my blog. I've been wanting to do this for quite sometime and this morning seemed appropriate. Maybe it's the fog. However, I did warn him that I've mentioned him at times and that he might read things he doesn't want to know.
Oh, it's teleconference day for speaker phone guy.
Mom and I had a conversation about Jason yesterday. Apparently my parents like him. This is a good thing. Of course, I choose to date whomever I want but it's nice when my parents agree with my choice. Since my family is so close, it would be very hard to have someone in my life that they don't like. Plus, I respect their opinion and think they're a pretty good judge of character. Jason is a good guy.
I spent a couple hours yesterday afternoon chatting with Dave. It's interesting how we've become friends strickly over the internet. But I guess that's the most affordable way when we live halfway across the US from each other. Dave is very smart and very funny but mostly a good conversationalist. So we've got a good thing going. I'm very glad Dave wastes so much time with me. I can't help but wonder how things would be different if we lived in the same city. Thre's just aspect of people you can't know when you're communicating via technology. I said "technology" rather than just "the computer," because I feel it's the same with the phone. (I had no idea of this when John and I had a relationship completely based on telephone conversations.) You just can't REALLY know a person unless you're with them in the flesh.
Dad was awake when I got up this morning. It always surprises me when my parents are up at 4am. But I guess they have sleeping problems more often than I ever imagined. I wonder if that means I'll have problems later in life. Nahh, I like to sleep too much. From talking to him, it sounded like he was worried about a project at work but that he might have figured it out while being up in the middle of the night. I think it's neat that my father and I now have a relationship where he feels comfortable telling me about his work. Growing up is way cooler than I ever imagined it to be. And that's pretty amazing because ever since I was 5 all I wanted was to be "grown up."
Nice Evening
What a nice evening this has turned out to be. I was able to relax this afternoon and wake up a bit by the evening. Mom and I took Tiger for a walk around the park. It's absolutely gorgeous ouside. I'm so ready for summer weather. I'm looking forward to the sun and a tan and swimming and shorts and tank tops...summers are good times and I can already tell this year is going to be a positive one!
So Tired
I'm so tired this afternoon. Thank goodness it's already 5:15pm and I can go to bed soon. I've got a ton of email to return but I just don't have the energy. Stayed up WAY too late last night. Don't you hate that? I'm a big sleeper. I would probably die if I ever stayed up all night long. My heart would just stop and I'd keel over. Scary thought. Kinda funny though. Did you know that lack of sleep can cause behavior similar to intoxication? My dad sent me an article last year when I was teaching about sleep deprivation. I used to sleep at school during my planning periods! God, I don't miss that at all.
Flowers
GREAT essay on business (April2, 2001). This is quickly becoming my favorite blog to read.
The mystery of the missing coworker is over. He had jury duty yesterday. Someone remembered yesterday after I left. But the real question is why didn't he remind us on Friday? I'm sorry that I can't keep up with my schedule AND yours.
Sometimes when I sit here without anything to do I begin to wonder what the point is. What's the point to getting up everyday and doing this job? Would anyone really miss me or this tool or this company? Why can't we all just survive to eat and stay warm at night? How can I set up my life so that I can just live simply and happily? I'm imagining myself in a little house in the country where I make beautiful things (which resemble art) simply for the pure enjoyment. I wish someone would sell me on the idea of modern living. Does anyone know what it's all about?
Jason sent me flowers today. They are GORGEOUS! The bouquet has sunflowers and roses and lilies and some beautiful red flowers I don't know the name of. God, I'm such a girl, because I melt when I get flowers. What a wonderful man I have in my life (and not just because I get flowers - he's wonderful because he's a good friend).
i.am/cunted
So I know all of you have some old party pictures laying around the house and you're wondering what to do with them. You know the kind...you're totally fucked up and someone who claims to be your friend snapped a picture of you. Then to only torture you worse, they give you a copy at a later date; just when you managed to forget you had ever behaved so irresponsibly. In order to forget, you stash it in a box or maybe even a photo album (if you're brave) only to run across it every couple of years. You laugh and say, "I can't believe how fucked up I was" before stashing it back in it's place. You hope you can forget what an ass you made of yourself. But now you don't have to just keep that kind of humiliation private anymore!! The kind webmaster at iamcunted has given the world an avenue for you to publicly humiliate yourself and the ones you love. So dig out those pictures of you fucked out of your mind and send them to iamcunted so that others can laugh and shake their heads! Sure we've all been there, but it's not the same unless it's caught on film! Let the public humiliation begin!
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Late to Work
Woke up late today but managed to get to work psuedo ontime. Of course nothing is going on here so it wouldn't have mattered if I was late or not. I'm tired. Jason kept me up too late on the phone last night. That's ok...we had a good conversation.
Got a new lamp for my desk yesterday. So I no longer have to be jealous of the woman across the atrium and her wonderfully lit office.
Mom got back in town last night though I didn't get a chance to hear about her trip. She spent about 24 hours in Phoenix with a friend. Not sure what they ended up doing but they had planned on just sitting around a swimming pool. Must be nice to work for an airline!
Dog Training
Just got back from dog training. It was a gorgeous night outside. Ok, so it was awefully nice for it to be light outside in the evening. I'm glad for the time change. Unfortunately I won't get to enjoy it too often. Until I get a new job with regular hours.
Time to sleep.
Cute Deskside Support II
The cute deskside support guy is here talking with my boss. He's so cute. Unfortunately he went to the NASCAR races this weekend.
BIG TURNOFF!!!