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Imperfection

June 27, 2005 - 2:56am

Building relationships is a hard thing. It takes time and a lot of honesty. Time is something we seldom have a lot of. Or at least we act like we don't have a lot of it. Instead we rush into things. I do all too often.

The hardest part of building relationships for me is the honesty. It's hard for me to open up and share the not-so-flattering side of myself. I'd much rather keep my flaws to myself and keep everyone thinking I'm wonderful. I don't know why it's so hard to share because I'm sure people will be accepting of my flaws. After all, I don't want someone who acts like they're flawless. I embrace and love the flaws of others. Shouldn't it be realistic that there's someone out there that can embrace my flaws too? I guess that means that I have to start embracing my flaws, which might be more than I'm capable of.

You know, when I was younger, in elementary school, I was quite a perfectionist. I hated myself whenever I made a mistake. I thought I let go of a lot of my perfectionism as I've grown up. Lately I've been thinking that I haven't let go of it at all; I've just changed the way I apply it to myself. I'm just as hard on myself as I was when I was in elementary school, but I use it to drive myself. I've used it to accomplish all that I have. I'm better at performing up to my standards and when I don't, I keep it to myself. Somehow I've tricked myself into thinking that if I keep it to myself I'm being perfect.

How silly. How imperfect. I'll never be perfect and I know it. I just need to find a way to accept my imperfections. Maybe someday I'll be able to do that. So that maybe someday it won't be so hard for me to be honest as I build a relationship.

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Comments

Having met you, i'm fair to middlin' sure that you're not a sociopath or anything. Seeing as that's the case, it's OK to just be you. Flaws (and merits) are what make us all so delightfully different from each other. So, don't be afraid of being yourself. If you find someone you're interested in and take them into your confidence, then it'll all be up front, and you won't suffer that fear of eventual embarrassing revelation. Best of all, they'll know just what they're getting into from the get go, and if they figure it's worth it, they'll stick with you. And that's the sort of person you want around, isn't it? "And I got no illusions about you. Guess what? I never did. When I said, When I said, 'I'll take it', I meant... I meant 'as is'." - Ani DiFranco - 'As Is'
Posted by AndyS on June 27, 2005 - 8:26am
You are far more likely to be happy and successful in life knowing and accepting your flaws than trying to be perfect! It seems as though you have many special people in your life! Have no worries!
Posted by EricaLucci on June 27, 2005 - 11:52pm
Wise man once said: 'I like you because... ... I love you although.'
Posted by Jark K. Remol on June 28, 2005 - 12:23am
You are an amazingly strong and beautiful woman. I count myself blessed and pretty darn lucky to call you sister and friend. I love you!
Posted by karen on June 28, 2005 - 9:13am
I think that in the early part of a relationship, we sell our good side and then later we learn about the other side (dark side) of that person, the Burping and Farting and Nascar come later :) oh and whatever other flaws there may be. I think that it is just human nature to hide flaws. Love really comes when you love everything.. and when you can love yourself for your own flaws too. I haven't accepted some of my flaws either.. you are not alone.
Posted by chris on June 28, 2005 - 5:08pm

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