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I'm feeling overwhelmingly sad tonight. I'm not sure where this came from. Nothing is wrong, nothing happend today, nothing has changed. I'm just sad.

Got home from work and found lots of packages. With all the shopping online I've been doing recently, it's no wonder they're piling up at the door. Amazingly two of them were things for me to enjoy! Kevin sent me the PC version of Grand Theft Auto III!! What a sweetheart and he's not even making me wait until Christmas! The second package was a CD I spontaneously bought - Sands by Lanterna. I heard a review of it on NPR last week. The clips played sold me on it. So this is the first CD I've bought in probably a year and totally worth it. Beautiful, beautiful music.

So I put it in the computer, cranked up the speakers, and laid down on the loveseat to listen. No one else was at home. I lost myself in the music. Started thinking about the past and people who are no longer in my life. I guess that's what was making me sad. Remembering a time when I felt more alive than I do now.

I got an old journal out. Three years ago at this same time, I was such a different person than I am now. I like who I am better now than who I was then, but I miss the excitement and furvor I had then. I miss my friends from that time. I wish I could go back and do some things differently.

After listening to the whole CD and reading far too many memories from my journal, I forced myself off the couch and into the kitchen for dinner. I'm still sad but I'm sure by morning it will have worn off.

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