Comments at Work

I just had a coworker tell me that he liked my clothing today. He told me the same thing only a couple weeks ago. For some reason, this makes me uncomfortable. As far as I'm concerned, I don't care what he thinks of my clothing and he should keep it to himself. Besides, I know I look good and don't need to hear it from anyone else. (At least that's what the voice inside my head says.)

Whenever I wear a suit and tie to work.. I get loads of comments.. especially from my direct supervisor.. as if she is sending me a little message.. "now that is how you should look everyday Chris" but.... last week two people came up to me and said "did you lighten your hair? Yes.. I did.. spray some of that sun in stuff and since I am blonde.. my hair is now blonder... and then they said.."well it looks cute" but.. I am a guy.. so who cares... usually a guy doesn't say something about a girls appearance unless he has some other reason... or he is gay.. sorry for the stereotype, but it's generally true. One time I told this girl at work.. "hey.. those shoes are really cute..." of course I really meant.."you are damn cute!" and she responded..."well, if you like them so much.. get yourself a pair of them" I never got a pair of those Tommy Hillfiger sneakers, but I am marrying that girl next month. :)

Posted by chris[az] on April 14, 2003 - 10:03pm

It depends on the person. One of the guys on my team always notices my appearance. Not in an I'm-thinking-nasty-thoughts way, but in a sure-is-nice-to-see-a-girl way. It doesn't bother me at all. But there is another guy who make me feel icky if he looks at me. If this guy makes you uncomfortable you have to respect your instincts about it. He's on the watch list.

Posted by christine on April 15, 2003 - 5:22pm

I'd like to know if the guy that doesnt bother you for him to look at you, is attractive or not. And the one that does bother you, if he is attractive or not....

Posted by zac on April 15, 2003 - 7:33pm

I enjoy it when people notice what I'm wearing and comment on it. However, I work with a bunch of women and one guy (and he's a big ol' queen). And for the record you did have a pretty cool outfit on yesterday...

Posted by karen on April 15, 2003 - 7:42pm

I hear it so rarely, that it's kind of a boost. But I imagine that it's different for women.

Posted by ed k. on April 15, 2003 - 9:30pm

I'm with Chris, I get comments when I wear a tie. "Peter, you look smashing today".. Inside my head, I am responding "It's just a fucking tie" and the next day, I wear mis-matched socks to balance things out.

Posted by peter on April 15, 2003 - 9:48pm

zac, if I had to list the 10 most physically attractive men I know both guys would make the list. But I see what you're getting at -- the rules are different for attractive people. Damn pretty people, they always have it easy. The difference isn't how these guys look TO me but how they look AT me. The cool one looks at me with appreciation. The other guy looks at me with intent.

Posted by christine on April 16, 2003 - 4:49am

It bothers me more when some of the women I work with tell me they like what I'm wearing. Most of the time they're very catty and I know they're sizing up what I'm wearing everyday in a critical sort of way.

Posted by Cori on April 16, 2003 - 1:43pm

christine, Thank you for being honest. My problem at my job is that I believe men are held to a higher standard than women are, as far as dressing "nice" is concerned. Unless I show up in black pants and button down shirt, I am considered not in dress code. Women however can get away with wearing a moo moo and keds! Not that I want to wear a moo moo and keds, but I sure like wearing khakis once in awhile.

Posted by zac on April 16, 2003 - 3:21pm

I have a best friend at work, and he's a very observant person. So when he says something nice about my outfit, like, "You look sort of 1940's movie stah with those pearls" I think he's just being creative in a world where most of the time he isn't. Like, sometimes noticing things is the way people are creative. Some poeple cook pasta well, some people keep blogs . . . and blogs are about observations, in part, aren't they? Plus, who are we all kidding, men and women alike: we dress for others. To fit in, to be taken seriously, to hide our beer gut, etc. On the other hand, I like the pithy comment above about "intent" versus "appreciation."

Posted by cat on April 16, 2003 - 4:48pm

I find it is more important how I feel then what someone does. If I am comfortable with the person, then the comment is nice. If the I feel the person is creeping me out then anything they say that does not pertain to work is uncomfortable. I work in an enviroment where our VP of sale will ask me if I am get'n any. But it is still not hostile in anyway. It is a groovy place. In HR terms inappropriate comment are just that, any comment that you do not find inappropriate. The best cource of action is to ask the person to please stop and that you feel uncomfortable. If it contiues then inform a manager and HR. At this point it is hurassment and needs to stop. Most of the time they are just trying to be nice. Try to take the comment in the spirt it was given. "Act like everyone is your freind or no one is." -Silverado

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