Ex

I'll be damned. Why can't my ex just get out of my life and stay out?

He sent me a link to his web pages that have pictures of Bangkok. I should have known better than to look, but I figured it was just pictures. Then I made the mistake of clicking on one of them...hoping to make it bigger. It didn't. Instead I got his remarks page. It wasn't until I got to the bottom that I freaked out. Why is he referring to me?! God DAMNIT! Why do I have to get all bent out of shape about this?! I don't want to continue wanting him like this. I don't want to keep wondering if he wants me back. I want it to be over. But at the same time I don't want it to be over and I don't want him to stop thinking about me. I'm glad he mentioned me and am making it a WAY bigger deal than I should be. It was just a reference to my name for goodness sakes. We've talked a number of times about what a good name I have. I'm just lucky like that. So maybe that's all he's referring to. Probably. I should just forget about it and quit thinking about him. We are so, so far apart right now. Physically, he's on the other side of the world. And emotionally, we're as far apart as the stars.

I need a cigarette. Since I don't have any I'm off to the store. Maybe by the time I get back I won't have anything else to say about John. Somehow I doubt it.